Hello. I'm just sitting here and thinking... which is bad. I have filed for divorce. We are amicable, but it's hard. I am divorcing him, because I just couldn't take it anymore. He was married prior and had two children. We then had two of our own. We lived in my parents house because we couldn't afford to save up for a place, because his ex wife would take him to court all the time. He never helped me with our two children... financially or physically. He always had something to do for the other two children, or would help his ex wife but not me. He and my mother didn't get along, which didn't help things. My parents kicked him out of the house (which he thinks me and our boys should have gone with him) because he wouldn't help out around the house while not even paying rent, or help me with the kids, which they ended up having to help or I would have really gone under. The real final straw was when he said well "Since you have the higher education, you should get a better job. You wanted kids, so we had them, if we didn't then we would have been able to move out and live on our own and be happy." Well, that was it. He knew before we ever had children that I wanted them so badly. Just because he already had two, I guess our two shouldn't have ever been born. When we got married I didn't think I was going to be able to have any because I knew I was going into early menopause. (Actually, I did about a little over a year and a half after our second child was born.)  I thought it would eventually turn around. I figured yes we had kids that maybe at the moment we couldn't afford. But that my parents were willing to give us a place to live until we got back on our feet. That never happened. He always found ways that he couldn't help me. He had birthday parties for the other two children, while we couldn't afford to have one for our two. They got that from their mothers side. Ours only had us and couldn't have any. Our two, when he lived here, couldn't have a bedroom. His other two took the only other room in the house. It was my parents house. I think that upset my parents too. I know it bothered me. They only spent the night here 4 nights a month, but since it would be a problem with his ex... the other two had the room. When my parents kicked him out I thought we would find a way to make it work. I helped him move (he wouldn't even pack anything or help me). I bought him furniture and got some from friends so he had stuff. No thank you (until later, when I said I want a divorce). Just yelling at me. He wanted me to be there every moment I was awake, but I couldn't because my life was in shambles. I had to keep it together for the kids. He said I wasn't there for him. How could I be? I had to get stuff done here. Couldn't barely keep it together when he did live here, because he barely did a thing. Tried looking for better jobs, with the intent of getting back together. But the constant bashing of our two children, never mind myself was it! He did nothing to help our situation on his end. Thought since he always said my mother made it impossible to do anything, that once he moved out and was away from her he would start motivating. Nope! Just blamed me that he had no emotional support so.... Anyways, I hate myself for feeling alone, and I miss him terribly. He talked about that we should have tried marriage counseling, but that would never had worked. He can't hear anything bad about the other two children. Just our two are bad. The worst part is the other two are so messed up that I won't be surprised if either one ends up in jail, and I don't even dislike them. They are just so messed up from their mother and the divorce between the two. Our two are overly rambunctious, which sometimes can get annoying, but otherwise loving and genuinely sweet. They are pretty much liked by everyone they come in contact with. I just don't know why I can't be like "screw him" he doesn't pay a dime toward our kids. Doesn't even really like them all that much, never mind he kind of wishes they were never born. Why do I miss this man? He wanted me just to get the better job, not have my own kids, for what... so I could help him and his two kids pay for a place to live, and never have anything that I wanted in a marriage? And I am sitting typing this to you all... over a man who basically wanted to use me, and makes it my fault now, that I want a divorce. And blames our beautiful children for ever being born. What is wrong with me? Why am I so sad and lonely? I have decided what is best is to get divorced, be amicable with him, and never marry or date again. I could never go through this again. Never mind wouldn't take the chance of my children ever having to go through it again. I'm burned out. Anyone with any words of wisdom?