Do you have any family or friends you can lean on for support?

Reach out to them. Maybe someone from work can have you over for T-day.

So sorry to hear. Sending you love and light and big hug

I'm so sorry you're gonna no through this. I know how crying at work can be, but the truth is, it's good to get all of that out, rather than bottling it inside. You can't control what he does, but you can control what you do. Don't let him ruin your relationship with your kids. Be there for them, and they will see through any facade he throws at them.

I know it's hard to be strong. Lean on whoever you can right now. That's what those who support you are there for.

Yes I agree the holidays are so very hard for those of us losing a life partner. Lean on your supports. Nothing will take away that raw aching feeling except time. I am walking right in it with you.

I had another crying fit yesterday morning on my way into work. It's been almost 4 weeks since he dumped me, and I still have my moments of anger and sadness. It's all a part of the process. Don't try to suppress what is happening to you. It is a cleansing, and a much needed one. This is how we move forward. So let it out. Let it all out. You'll find that these episodes will wane in the near future and you will emerge a stronger person for it.

Do you have some Christmas shopping to do for your children? Do that this weekend. It will put a smile on your face. Call up a friend and do lunch one day. Just keep yourself as distracted as possible and you will get through this. We all will!

Hi Koko, so sorry to hear of your sadness today. I'm crying at work this morning too. Part of it is that we don't know what to do with ourselves and we don't want to burden our friends and ruin their holidays too. What keeps me going is thinking about my resilience - to be clear, i don't feel anything other than weakness right now, but i'm told that that will change and i will rebound better than ever. i believe that for you too. Cry. Feel your feelings. Do something to make you feel good today. I like the suggestion of calling up a friend and doing lunch or something active.

Thank you everyone. It's sad that we're all here but I'm glad to see I'm not the only one so hopeless in this world. Because I've been busy with work and taking care of the kids, I haven't had time to really grieve so I'm thinking today is going to be that day to truly be sad and be on my own. It is just so hard to realize that someone you cared for and thought cared for you doesn't feel the same way and you can no longer count on them for support....

Im so sorry Koko
I am at work doing the same. You are not alone. I am not looking forward to the holidays at all and wish that I could "sleep" through them. The problem is that I can't even sleep. I am feeling the same way. I am coming to the realization that the person that I loved no longer loves me and it sucks!

I am so sorry too, Koko, I applaud you on thinking of the kids and not fighting in front of them.
I do have concerns for you, though. I think if I were you, I would find a lawyer and get things rolling first. I feel he is horribly selfish and unfeeling to tell you he wants a separation and by the way, you can stay home by yourself on Thanksgiving, is also part of HIS plan. You have just as much right to have the kids with you on Thanksgiving as he does. It's hard to believe he was thinking what is best for the kids. I wonder what HIS plans are for Christmas??? I think you need to have your own plans.
good luck

I am so sorry for what you are going through. This is such a hard time of the year for me and I can only imagine how you feel since it is so fresh. I am here if you need anything or just want to chat. I am having dinner with my mom and sister tomorrow but then will be sitting all alone. :(

Maybe I missed something, but why does he get to dictate where the kids go for the holiday? I would be terribly hurt too, and I don't even have kids, so I can't even imagine the full scope of the pain. These are your biological children, I assume? I feel like you have the right to be with them on a meaningful occasion. Your husband's actions strike me as cruel.

Having been in the same position about 16 years ago, I'm gonna play devil's advocate...

Many responders ask "why does HE get to dictate where the kids go?" Conversely, why is it assumed that Mom should be the one who dictates the kids comings and going?

This only leads to the children being used as pawns in a battle of wills and control between the parents. It is best to now realize that children are not possessions that "belong" to either mom and dad. Children are the own little individuals who have feelings and desires of their own. Yes, equity in custody, sharing of holidays, etc is necessary for divorcing/divorced parents, but remember that the be all and end all is the happiness and well being of the children. Not the hurt feelings of the parents.

Believe it or not, children will see who takes the high road and that will be rewarded down the line.

I need to make make myself understood what I meant in my post. Neither HE or SHE should be allowed to dictate where the kids go without involving the other parent's decision. I believe it was a very selfish thing for him to do right before Thanksgiving and leave her all alone on Thanksgiving day. That is not what I call the high road.

Just to clarify - I am okay with the kids going to his family's for Thanksgiving. I don't have any family around so I know the kids will have more fun with their grandpa and uncles than mope around at home with me. I just wish he would "care" how I feel - which is probably too much to ask at this point. I would feel bad if I knew he was spending the holidays alone regardless of our situation. It's just the lack of emotion from him that bothers me the most. I have decided to go to a friend's house tomorrow so I will not be alone but it's just not the same since it's not my family....

Also this symbolizes what's to come - I'm not always going to be able to be with the kids. Once/if we divorce, I imagine he will have his time with the kids while I'm not around. That's the hard part - not sharing special moments you share as parents anymore... Regardless of our relationship, we've had a special connection because of the kids - only we know what the kids through the good and the bad and the sick, etc. and that's a bond that I will be losing from him.

I'm so sorry to hear your marriage is breaking apart, especially at the holidays. That's good you're putting the kids first, and you found friends to be with on the holiday. Letting yourself grieve and cry is probably one of the best things you can do for yourself at this time. Hugs!