Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Im starting to get very frustrated at this whole grieving process. Its been 8 months since my BU and Im sick of the ups and downs, good days, bad days, happy/sad/mad. Its getting exhausting, but yet I cant stop it.
I realized the other day that I no longer constantly wait for a text or check my email to see if he's going to contact me. I've even put him with some new girl in my head and sometimes dont even care because I think that the things he couldnt give me, he's not going to give her. Just like he didnt his wife. Last night had a revelation that made me think that possibly the entire relationship was based off me loving him more. All good things to help the moving forward process.
Now today, I sit and think of some of the best memories and I get sad and weepy. I think tomorrow will come and go without one word from him. I'll go to bed alone when I miss him being there.
Im trying to get happy and work on myself, but struggle. I realized I dont need a man in my life, but i sure would like one. Its nice to have someone compliment you and take you places and feel special. Problem is... As much as I would love to go on dates, I just cant do it. I snoop on OLD sites and as I look at these men, my stomach churns and I have to close it down. I just cant do it.
This whole process is messed up. I really dont want to feel like this anymore. I know it takes time, but geez enough is enough.
I realized the other day that I no longer constantly wait for a text or check my email to see if he's going to contact me. I've even put him with some new girl in my head and sometimes dont even care because I think that the things he couldnt give me, he's not going to give her. Just like he didnt his wife. Last night had a revelation that made me think that possibly the entire relationship was based off me loving him more. All good things to help the moving forward process.
Now today, I sit and think of some of the best memories and I get sad and weepy. I think tomorrow will come and go without one word from him. I'll go to bed alone when I miss him being there.
Im trying to get happy and work on myself, but struggle. I realized I dont need a man in my life, but i sure would like one. Its nice to have someone compliment you and take you places and feel special. Problem is... As much as I would love to go on dates, I just cant do it. I snoop on OLD sites and as I look at these men, my stomach churns and I have to close it down. I just cant do it.
This whole process is messed up. I really dont want to feel like this anymore. I know it takes time, but geez enough is enough.
It's a lonely existstance. Don't do it.
It's been 7 months for me and I do not want the relationship back. It was very toxic and I was very unhappy in it. But like you, at times I have trouble shaking off the feeling of sadness, it's more like a void. Comes and goes - it's gotten much better over time. At first it was so much work to go a day w/o being sad. So yes, I have tried dating and though I have met good people, is not working because I am not ready - so I decided to put it off for now and give myself more time to nourish myself. Many ppl encourage joining other social groups that aren't geared towards dating but I find that getting out is okay but I don't run from my grief by always being out - I still have to come home and face it. Work has helped me a lot as well as things like reading...I can't wait for spring to get here because hiking is also great for me and short road trips. Being alone with nature is soothing to me and that helps a little bit.
I don't think there's a way to rush grief. You just have to walk through it and let it get lighter and lighter.
If you look back to day one vs where you are today I am sure you are doing way better - so yes, there is hope. Hang in there.
Its ridiculous though. If I want to not be sad I should be able to stop it!!!! Its driving me crazy.
I know is not funny but you made me laugh and thank you b/c I needed a laugh right now. You know it doesn't work that way. We can't just control our emotions all the time. But trust me I know how you feel. It makes me mad also especially b/c I know he's not dwelling on anything. Three months is not enough time perhaps. Be patient with yourself.
I broke up 8 months ago but dealt w/the aftermath till this past Dec and that was when I finally had to entirely pull the plug. No contact - no mind games, back and forth, etc. Mainly b/c even when ppl don't want anything w/us, they love feeling lk they have power over you. I cut that out completely. The progress was awesome.
Give yourself time and slowly do open yourself to the idea of getting out on light dates - remember you have to start at some point - just go slow. There are good people out there - What I have done and it helps a little at least w/the mental part - I go on a date - put it down - take a break and then get back out there again - like a toddler learning to walk - fall, bruise and get back up and try again.
And as more time passed, the moments of hurt started to become farther in between and also with allowing myself to just FEEL ALL of it? It helped with my acceptance in a weird way. I firmly believe you have to go through all of the emotions you need to, for how long YOU need to in order for it to settle in, in a very real way. We are all different in that way as well. When you don't feel the need to sit in that place? You'll know. But if you do still have to? Then you do. Give time, time to do its magic on your heart as it usually can do. You don't need to wallow in your shit for hours every day, but you should let yourself grieve how you need to and know that there will come a day and time when you are ready to let it go and that's when you start to breathe again.
Peace