Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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e7705 01/03/2010

After 30 years of marriage, my husband admitted that he had been receiving explicit lap dances at a strip club (that has since gotten in trouble with the law for prostitution). Two sources have strongly suggested to me that he had been seeing one of the strippers outside of the club, - that he does this on and off. He will stop when guilt gets to him, then start it again as if on impulse. I'm wondering if he is a sex addict.
Now, to top it off, I have been told that he had been sleeping with my sister many years ago when she was a go-go dancer at one of the bars he used to frequent. I always suspected something was going on between them and when I asked, he admitted to a one time heavy petting session with her before we were married.
I'm gathering evidence now from receipts, etc. I don't have much. I want to confront him soon. My question is, what should I do? We have already been to counseling, but even though I said I had a strong feeling that he wasn't telling me everything, he denies everything. Something just doesn't feel right in our relationship. My future is on the line. I need the truth. I just don't know what to do with it.

deleted_user 01/08/2010

I am so sorry. I think you need to listen to your gut, if something doesnt feel right there is probably something wrong. Are the two sources reliable? It sounds like you need to decide whether or not you want to stay with him. Are you still in love with him? Is he still going to strip clubs? Have you talked to your sister? He is putting up lots of red flags to me. I think you need to trust your instincts, because I bet they are right on. Sending you much love and lots of hugs.

deleted_user 01/08/2010

I am sorry that you are going through this. When it comes to any type of addiction the addict may be too sick to see they have a problem. Thus, you won't get an answer as they can't see there is an issue.

deleted_user 01/08/2010

OMG... did you say 30 years of this? Please, start caring about yourself more than your relationship.... if he has spent 30 years cheating on you, then you most defitinitly deserve better than this!
Don't bother with confronting him.... he will do what he does best and lie to you again and it will continue to confuse you.... please take care of yourself!

hurtinandhealin2560 01/09/2010

If you're gathering evidence, forget confronting him, I would take the evidence straight to an attorney's office. Thirty years is enough of this.

You need to love yourself enough to get away from him. Even if you confront him, he will likely lie or simply cover his tracks better in the future.

deleted_user 01/09/2010

You've been going through alot for a long time. And, you're getting all the signals that your instincts can possibly give you...sounds to me as if they're SHOUTING at you.

You've put alot of your time and care into these long years; and I believe it's time for you to receive all of it back. You're being given an open door to a better life and you need to decide whether you want to take it or not.

Asking this man to be honest with you, will mean you are expecting him to change his entire 30 year character - because of one confrontation. It's not going to happen.

Completely trust your instincts; gather your strength and make those tough decisions.
We're here for you hon.. It's not going to be easy.

(( e7705))

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