Hi saphera,

This is an ugly story, and no person can tell you to stay or go, because it is entirely up to you to choose so.

You do have children and it is important to try to raise kids with their father and mother as a couple, in home atmosphere has to be positive as possible, not perfect, yet trying to live as good as it gets. I know that you follow me here.

First thing I would do is ask to go to marriage counseling. If your husband is abusive, then you have to take a serious action at some point. If he then shows a lack of interest in seeking outside professional help, possibly you may seek a relative or friend to take you and your children in until he has had sufficient time to cool-down his temper. Perhaps even reaching out to community help or a social worker is a good idea. Are you attending a church? It is a possibility that a church congregation will offer support.

Whatever you do during heated moments, be cautious not to speak loudly in anger around the presence of your children; this is very disturbing for all of you. Study out specific details which you each feel may have changed for the worse since you did seek counseling. Whatever worked before may still work for you now. And it could be that your husband was never correlating during the times that you were in therapy sessions. Time for a re-test. And it's so nice that you decided to join an online support group. Perhaps the keystrokes will let your husband know just how serious this matter is for you. I would not give up until you see definite improvement and a sharp change to his behavior, which I feel is deeply rooted in his life before you married, perhaps even his agitation stems from something(s) difficult for him during his childhood or young adult life.

Best,

Remiah

I too was in a relationship with a man for seven years. He continuously accused me of cheating (when in fact he was the one cheating). He has a lot of issues from a terrible childhood, so I would always forgive him and continue to give things another try. I'd give him another chance, and he'd go back to his old ways. I think my head always knew things were bad, but my heart kept making me take him back and stay with him. I wondered today, what if I gave up and this was the time things really were going to turn around. And those what if questions turn into a downward spiral of more what if questions. But I noticed it was always wondering what if about things getting better and not asking what if things stayed the same or got worse. It has been a heartbreaking last few days. I personally, won't tell you to stay or go. But I will say, I came to this group for support because I knew that I needed to stop torturing myself and admit that this couldn't continue. I would say please do an honest search within yourself of what you think would be best for your children and you. Try not to include what's good or bad for him when you're reflecting, which is admittedly very difficult for me to do. I hope you find your answer and that your life becomes overwhelmed with blessings. Sending lots of happy thoughts to you as you deal with this painful situation!

Do you think your husband may be cheating? To accuse your SO is one of the signs.

I would try counseling. If he once was that great husband, he can be again. Divorce is a miserable journey and when you have small children, it's even more difficult. I wouldn't divorce until you have exhausted your options. But if he's cheating...bye, bye.

A few suggestions.

1. Try to document all that he has done and put it in a safe place.
2. Speak with a lawyer and battered woman's counselor. He appears unbalanced and potentially ill. Any immediate discussions should occur with someone else present.

This is definately tough! You have to make the final decision. You stayed for 7 years and had 2 children bc you loved him! Signs of abuse typically happen early in the relationship and we decide to stay out of our own insecurities or codependency.

So, we all need to couselar ourselves. You need to do some deep reflection. Its time to think about how to heal yourself and do what's best for your children. I first saw and vividly remembered abuse from 3 years old. Watch the movie "Enough" with Jennifer Lopez, and start a self love journey for you and the babies.

You mentioned that on two occasions the abuse has become physical. This is where I draw the line in a relationship. Verbal confrontations are inevitable from time to time. If it's excessive, counseling
is definitely an option. But I have ZERO TOLERANCE for physical abuse.

I think the best possible thing is for you both is to try and counsel again. Sometimes counsel is needed for awhile, even after you get married, because thats usually when the real work starts. Even if your husband doesn't want to, you should go for you especially if your experiencing forms of physical abuse, which is never okay. Take the next step in keeping yourself healthy emotionally and physically. That way you can make some important decisions as you gain some clarity on your particular situation. It will be worth it. God Bless and know that I am praying for you both.