Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So I'm a young female, in my twenties.. never been married but had a serious relationship and I'm currently in a serious relationship.. at least I think so.
I've been diagnosed with anxiety and bipolar depression.
I grew up with divorced parents, constant fighting and lawsuits against each other even after 8 years they'e still going at each other. So my decision making skills is very poor when it comes to relationships. I've been betrayed by friends, family and boyfriends so trusting is another issue I have.
My ex and I dated for 3 years, started dating when we were 17,after school we moved away and moved in with each other for a year. things didn' go as planned between us and we moved back to our home town to have support from family. We dated another year, he betrayed me after 3 years,cheated on me. He was very violent towards me. He left me and I thought it was the end of the world. I was very depressed for a while but recovered and found my current boyfriend.
Now I've been dating my boyfriend just a little bit over a year, he's great. He's not a violent person at all. We come from very different backgrounds. He has never had anything serious to worry about except his grades. I've been through a lot and that's probably the cause for my anxiety and depression but he doesn' really understand it. It's not always a major issue in our relationship but there is something I've been struggling with... He's a selfish person, it' just how he grew up, where I'm the complete opposite. I am very generous with money, I spend a lot of my money on him, I don' expect him to spend his money on me as we're both still students but I'm very supportive, I go watch him play sports, we go out with his friends all the time, I go to all his family gatherings, I support him when he writes exams and on his birthday I always try to do something special for him. I live my life around him, I love him with my whole heart so doing all of this is easy and fun but I would love for him to do that for me. I feel that our relationship is always about what he needs.i tried to explain to him how I feel but every time it turns into an ugly fight.. He's not bothered with seeing me very often, we see each other twice a week and we live in the same town. We don't work so we have all the time in the world to make plans. I feel that he doesn't care about me if he's okay with only seeing me twice a week. We can't make memories together, we can hardly do anything in those two days.. He says he can't see me all the time.. I understand that but more than twice a week would be nice. We are currently fighting and I don' know what to do.. I don' know if I'm being too paranoid or is he just not too serious about me.. I'm tired of everything always being about what he needs. I feel that it' my fault too because I allowed it.. He said he would change but we'v been fighting for 4 days and he hasn't come to me or asked to meet up so that we can sort things out.. He thinks that if we ignore it it will go away.. but I know if I ignore it he will Carry on being selfish and everything would still be about his needs.. He's not a bad guy but he's selfish and he doesn' mean to do it on purpose,so am I asking too much of him to be less selfish?is he going to change? What should I do?
People don't change. Expect more from your relationships. I know you come from a home of some degree of dysfunction, so you have to teach yourself about what a healthy relationship looks like if you've never seen it close-up. What your boundaries and deal-breakers are. And stick to these things. Why not try some online videos, or relationship books? I support the old adage "when people show you who they are, believe them". I think this applies to your BF.
Vulnerable was enough. I will say that people do change. But. People change what is easy. The things that are hard takes individuals more humbling if you will to make that change. My boyfriend was great at changing the easy things, which at the time I recognized as he wants a future with me and has the mental capacity to make that change and we both want the same thing. So. I went to his house unnanounced and gave him the terms. We decide 2 things we wanted each person to work on and 2 things we wanted us as a couple to work on. Each person gets 3 strikes if they show no active signs of working on what they agreed to we would be done. Well, I did change. A lot. Everything on my end and more. My boyfriend was also selfish and insecure (I began to see) and his need for constant, & I mean constant, reassurement was draining the energy I didn't have. He was not supportive of my condition after we got the test results back. He judged me for it, called me names, and disbelieved the condition. He started a lot of arguments about nothing and I tried to resolve them constructively without ever threatening to break-up like I use to. Instead, he was the one threatening. It was always about what he needed to feel good at the end of the day. We could never talk about anything hard without him freaking out. I tried to help him work on his things he promised to work on but he was in complete denial he ever did anything wrong. Finally, this week, I gave up. His 3 strikes had played out a long time ago & I realized that for my health and happiness I needed to be alone or with someone that really understood my medical condition or at the very least my childhood and respect that. Or just respect other people, even if they aren't perfect, for trying. My point is, if you feel you have hit a wall and there isn't more you can do then I would walk away. It might hurt for a while or you might try to blame your past or medical condition for the failure, but knowni your heart that that isn't true. We are special people because we are aware of the needs of ourselves and as a result usually tend to others mindfully. People that haven't had a lot of humbling or hard truths in their life don't know how to relate to those that have and it forms a communication barrier that sometimes can't be broken until due time, if ever. They don't know how to change the hard or dark things about themselves or they are in denial and it takes a heartbreak or the repeat in a new relationship for them to realize. It sucks. It sucks bad to know you have put your whole heart into it but it wasn't enough or was received poorly. You just have to look at it as a blessing. You are narrowing down the right guy for you by weeding out the wrong ones. Xoxo
It’s give and take though as sometimes due to life siutuations / events things get unbalanced
This is normal fair and loving to accept
BUT it goes both ways
You’ve been with your boyfriend long enough to see
That fur him it only goes his way
He is not a keeper
You are
Accept no less from someone that claims to love you