i'm sorry for where you are at, it takes two people to make a relationship, only one to trash it
she's trashed it, that is not on you
it is okay to feel bad, hurt & broken
it is really sick that she wants you to feel worthless
the best thing that happened to you ever... just happened, a cheating user has opted to suck the life out of someone other than you!

take time for yourself to hurt awhile, then allow yourself to heal
you will
life is upward from here

I am so sorry you have been hurt like this, and I will tell you that her decisions are her's alone. You are not at fault, you likely didn't tell her to step outside your relationship, just because she can't own her faults doesn't mean that you should. I too have been cheated on and it causes many wounds. I sincerely feel for you and I know that you will -- in time -- come to realize that she was toxic to you and that she did you a favor by packing her bags and leaving. There is no excuse for how she went about it and again that is all on her. You will find some solace from the great, and supportive people on this site. I know it is easy to second guess and place blame on yourself, but again remember her decisions are her's and her's alone.

I'm sorry you are hurting so much by the things she said. She needs to deflect blame on to you to justify her shitty actions. You are not worthless, and you didn't ruin it. She is a very mixed up girl and probably has some mental health issues going on. I know it doesn't seem like it now and it may take a long time for you to see it, but you don't want the kind of life you would have had with her. There are a lot of other women out there who would treat you so much better than she did.

I agree with Refurb on this...

Gross pig she seems

Please do not take onboard her shitty feelings that she is just projecting onto you

There is NO excuse for her behaviour

In time after hurts begin to heal you will find someone better who will appreciate you for you

It is better to not be someone who can abuse you and cause such pain

You deserve somebody who loves you for you

Accept no less

I am sorry for your pain......I do know the hurt

i'm so sorry to hear, about this very sad time, and also how you were treated awfully, and she disrespected you. sending my support, and comforting wishes, for peace.
i know it's a very painful time, you deserve much better. her behavior and actions, are very concerning. You don't deserve that, no one does. i hope she can work on herself, and becoming a better person. i know it's a long road to healing, but remember you aren't alone. She was very awful to you when she picked up her items, and she didn't show any care, for your feelings. you deserve better. remember, we're here for you if you need to talk.

Thank you so much everyone... it means more than I can say because I... I had a horrible night. I just sat there and wept till 2am and I had to get up at 5 for work... everything just replayed in my mind all last night and today... all of the good times. When she first came here to visit, before she moved here, she stayed for a week and when she went home I cried on the steps for hours. I feel like that now. I care too much and that my biggest problem. I'm so scared. I have to clean up her room and get out what is left... she left a lot. She may even come back for more and I was trying to be nice and told her if I found something she wanted I would let her know. There is new clothing and hundreds of dollars in books I had bought her. I am going to give away or donate a lot of it. There is a place nearby that sells stuff to fund a homeless shelter and even though it hurts it will go to something good. I just can't face it right now. She left so much that had meant a lot to her. Stuff that was special. I don't know how to deal with this. But reading everyone's kind words.... it helps me feel better. I just... just am scared of going in that room and scared of tonight. I can't stop thinking that she is right, I didn't do enough. The only regrets she said she had was getting caught and that she didn't get to leave me first. Plus I feel like I am just being whiny and am going to start to bother people with this... I feel like if I had to talk to someone every time I felt like this, I am just going to overwhelm them so I don't know what to do because talking about it is the only thing that has help any. I sorry I rambled enough.

I don't think you can hear this enough. It wasn't your fault. Your ex isn't a nice person and has no scruples (she cheated with a girl who's cheating on another girl. ) There was no reason for her not to be civil when picking up her things. It strIkes me that you say that you think this was your only chance to be with someone who was a bit like you, but then you point out that she changed to be more like her new friends. Guess what? You are dealing with a chameleon! She appears to be like whomever she latches onto. And her view of parenthood wasn't healthy. You can't want kids only when they're babies. I think you dodged a bullet getting out before you got married or had kids with her. Let her go and stop blaming yourself. There really is someone else for you. Perhaps you could get a friend or relative to deal with her stuff and clean out that room for you.

Oh and if you can't ramble here, where can you?

It is now important to be gentle with yourself
Don't take on too much
Little tasks each day
Honor your pain and emotions

You have an injury and it will take time to heal

I sense you may have had a hurtful childhood where your sense of self worth was damaged? Or maybe a past relationship damaged you ? This would make sense as you feel that you are not worthy. There is some reason that you feel that way. Healthy people might tell her to go f-ck herself fort trying that bullcrap on you. Don't feel bad. Many of us have suffered at the hands of characterless cheaters..
*Please checkout chumplady,com. That is a website that can spell out just what your ex girlfriend did to you.She refers what your cheater did to you by treating you like you did something wrong , as a mindf#ck! (Her words not mine ! )
* You could have codependency / love addiction issues . If you aren't aware if these issues please read up online or find something in the library. This will prove to be very valuable and enlightening to you !!!!
Good luck, like others have said on here....you dodged a bullet with the ex girlfriend! You'll see as time goes by a check the resources I've
mentioned, along with good support on here !

( excuse the spelling , my tablet thinks it knows what Im going to write and changes my words ) annoying!!

Thank you everyone again (I say thank you a lot, always have) Coming here and reading what everyone has to say... it helps so much. I have been keeping busy to keep my mind off of everything that's going on. I started putting on headphones when I go into that room so I have something else to focus on. Whats bad is our cat... he is an old stray, over 14 years old. We took him in and he is like a big kitten now... She use to love him so much but in the last few months I took over caring for him because she quit... and now when I look at him all I think of is her. It's like he's looking for her... I guess he needs time too. I found out from those texts I found she had been mistreating him when I wasn't around, she kept him from eating because she hated the noise. Now he can be as noisy as he wants and I even bought him better food. I am trying.

I think the idea that she is a chameleon is dead on. She herself said she changes to fit in. I just never pictured she would change this much. At one time she couldn't even sit away from me... she had to be beside me no matter what... then the last few months she didn't even want to sit next to me to watch TV.

My biggest issue is I have such problems around others... heck just writing online like this makes me nervous... that's one reason I ramble. It's part of my aspergers. I feel like there is a wall between me and others and when I can interact with them its like we don't speak the same language most of the time. So I never had friends... when I did have one I would do anything to have them like me and even now I feel like a fool. I made "real" friends in high school but two years out of school they decided, as a group, they wanted nothing to do with me. I was depressed and lonely so I guess I was dragging them down. I haven't had friends outside of work and online in 13 years. After that I met a girl online and had a long distance relationship for 3 years... that ranks as one of the dumbest things I had ever done... but I was lonely and it was nice to spend time with someone even if it was on the phone. Her mother called me the ATM... because yeah I gave her everything I had and she cheated on me often. She was a cutter and in her words, she would start a fight so she would have a reason to hurt herself and then send me pictures with captions saying "You made me do this." Whats funny is... she dumped me. Then I met my new Ex...

Yeah me and relationships... I looked up codependency and oh my yes to a lot of it. My self worth is based off of what others think of me and for most of my life it's not been much. I have a saying and it ALWAYS holds true... Everyone hates me sooner or later. A lot of the time people don't know how to take me because of my problems. Just two months ago I almost made a coworker cry because she thought I was mad at her and I had no idea why. Something about the look on my face and being quiet made her think she had made me mad. I told her sorry because I wasn't mad. That happens a lot... everyone thinks I'm mad but I try so hard to be cheerful... it doesn't matter how much someone likes me... in the end they will hate me. I told my Ex that when we met and she told me she never would... well she sure hates me now.

I had more to say but this is already too long to read... man, I am really down on myself! Thanks everyone for tiring to help... it means a lot to me. I am taking it one step at a time... today has been a good day though... but my birthday is coming up next week and her's... is just ten days after... I'm worried about that.

Everyone "hates" you sooner or later? Hmmm... Probably not. People come into our lives, and people go out of our lives. Some friendships last longer than others. Some are intense, and some are mellow. That's just the way that it goes. 7 years is a long time, so it is totally normal for you to be in intense pain right now. Sad to say.

On a related topic: Might there be a way for you to use your Aspergers more to your advantage in your day-to-day interactions with people? Make light of it in some way? Everybody loves Sheldon on Big Bang Theory.

I kind of have that mad expression....or am misread...
I have to point out...I just have one of those faces
and practice lifting my eyebrows
:)