Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
She has not returned my call since Monday at 6 pm. She texted just now at 1pm. She says "I send you a hug. Let's see if we can talk today. I have not been feeling well"
So she saw I was not going to call her and now she is back. But don't know what to say when we talk. I don't think I should be forgiving mr nice, because she will get the message that she cad do this whenever she wants. She dis this exact same thing over the weekend and I was forgiving and understanding and she did it again. I think I should say something along the lines of " I understand you are under a lot of stress but I feel you have not been taking me into consideration in the situation I have been living with you in the last few days. This has to change otherwise I will be gone, I will not be your friend. I dont want this." I have to say something. I cannot simply accept this because she will lose respect for me. This is not one isolated incident. This is now a pattern of behavior that I have to stop. As I said, I have gone from being very attractive to her to not being attractive. There is a little bit left. She did text me and with a kind message sending me a hug. But I have to communicate that this is not enough for me. I need to be treated with respect. She also says "Let's see if we can talk today". She does not say I will call you today.
Any ideas on what to tell her? Does this sound ok? Should I be the one who calls at 6 pm or wait for her to call? Or should I just text her at 6 pm to let her know I am not mad and she can call me by saying something like "I hope you are feeling better". ??? I don't feel I should be the one who calls but I am afraid she might not call, get mad at me and lose what I have just gained. She wants to talk. I don't want to screw that up.
So she saw I was not going to call her and now she is back. But don't know what to say when we talk. I don't think I should be forgiving mr nice, because she will get the message that she cad do this whenever she wants. She dis this exact same thing over the weekend and I was forgiving and understanding and she did it again. I think I should say something along the lines of " I understand you are under a lot of stress but I feel you have not been taking me into consideration in the situation I have been living with you in the last few days. This has to change otherwise I will be gone, I will not be your friend. I dont want this." I have to say something. I cannot simply accept this because she will lose respect for me. This is not one isolated incident. This is now a pattern of behavior that I have to stop. As I said, I have gone from being very attractive to her to not being attractive. There is a little bit left. She did text me and with a kind message sending me a hug. But I have to communicate that this is not enough for me. I need to be treated with respect. She also says "Let's see if we can talk today". She does not say I will call you today.
Any ideas on what to tell her? Does this sound ok? Should I be the one who calls at 6 pm or wait for her to call? Or should I just text her at 6 pm to let her know I am not mad and she can call me by saying something like "I hope you are feeling better". ??? I don't feel I should be the one who calls but I am afraid she might not call, get mad at me and lose what I have just gained. She wants to talk. I don't want to screw that up.
I don't know all the specifics, but everyone's situation is different. I agree that friendship or relationships shouldn't be that hard, but it is the people involved that make it that way. I have learned to be more hands off when someone just doesn't act in the same intentions that they speak. People got all kinds of shit going on, and we can't assume that how our lives are, or how we handle a situation is how everyone will handle it.
To me, her message is, "Hey, I know I haven't been in touch for awhile but I may feel like talking to you tomorrow so we'll talk tomorrow if I feel like it." First thing you do is react and think about all you need to get in when you two talk. Its a normal reaction. Who wants to blow what they see as the only opportunity they may get. But to me, why ruin it with ultimatums, assumptions, accusations and more stress. Just take the call if she calls, talk about the day or whatever she may bring up, leave the serious talk by the wayside for now.
Keep it lite and friendly, don't bog it down with shit she is obviously not ready to or wanting to deal with.
My personal opinion (meaning it's really up to you) is that you should look at her good qualities - the ones that you found exceptional - and look for them in somebody else.... somebody who will WANT TO BE WITH YOU too. That would be the best of both worlds, right?
It seems like this "relationship" is being built on game playing and too many demands.
sorry JMO
It is very hard when we really like someone and then they squash it.
one thing I give her credit for, whether she told you upfront about this other dude or not, she at least told you. She took the time to talk to you on the phone and be honest. You have to respect that.