Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
After breaking up with me 12 days ago and then going away for a week with another man to find a new dream (her words) she called me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is going to call me again in 3 hours. What should I do? Please advice me. I want her back. I acted like life was great for me and told her I was doing wonderful things. She was very low key and did not say much. Maybe there is hope in the future! WHAT SHOULD I DO WHEN SHE CALLS AGAIN? SHOULD I TELL HER THAT I MISSED HER WITHOUT SOUNDING DESPERATE?
Okay, first be aware that she wouldn't be the first cheater to have "buyer's remorse" and want to return to the old relationship. My guess is things didn't work out with the OM and now she wants to come home, but do remember this: Is she coming home because she wants you and the relationship or is she coming home and will simply bide her time and cheat again?
You want advice so here goes:
Go ahead and talk to her but make no promises about reconciliation or anything. Let her know that what she has done has truly hurt the marriage. Do not allow her to blame you for her affair--she made a choice. She could have come to you and said she was unhappy, let's get counseling, blah, blah, blah--she did none of this.
Stress to her that returning to the relationship will be contingent on her agreeing to go to marriage counseling--no ifs, ands, or buts about it. If she balks even once, tell her coming home is not an option.
I know this may sound harsh, and you really love and miss her, but remember how you have suffered these 12 days. If she just gets to come back with a free pass, it is easier for her to do this again.
Set some boundaries, but do keep communication open if she is truly remorseful, wants to reconcile, and is willing to do the work necessary to earn back your trust.
Good luck.