So since my ex contacted me on Vday, against my better judgement, we had been trying to make a go of things again. Wth is wrong with me?! I lost my mind! Bad super bad idea. We had a horrible experience with a very unprofessional counselor yesterday, which sadly, but VERY necessarily led to a complete absolution of the relationship. She got emotionally involved sharing personal experiences and opinions and did nothing to mediate or help us with conflict management and I walked (practically ran) out still having my feelings completely unvalidated which is what I was hoping to achieve. I said I had an issue with his anger, avoidance, and lack of communication. She didnt address any of it. She focused on her opinion that I should move on bcuz "you must be exhausted. I dont know how u do it. U should move on and go start a family with someone with no children". Just a sidenote - it was brought up during the session how much me and the his children love eachother, and I never mentioned them being an issue, nor did I mention that I wanted to have children. I was waiting for the Candid Camera guy to pop out. Unbelievable. I will thank her some day though.

All of that being said, I was two months into no contact and feeling stronger by the day when he txt me on Vday. Guess I thought that I was in such a good spot mentally that I could be the game changer and everything would be better bcuz I was in a great place so maybe my fresh outlook on life would make him, and therefore our relationship, better. Holy Codependence in action! I thought he couldnt possibly break me down bcuz i was in too great of a spot not to leave before it got to that point but its almost like he saw that and purposely tried harder. Now I'm back to square 1. So disappointing being back in this super broken place again. It might be a little worse this time because my ego got hurt because over the last couple months I chose to be the person I was when we first started the relationship (without resentment, and putting the past behind) and was my normal affectionate, helpful, happy, silly self. He met my love and enthusiam with a wall of misery and anger and once again we ended things with him blaming me for everything, before he hung up on me. So sad it had to end this way. I just wanted things to be civil and not lose the childhood friendship but I have to accept things the way they are.

I would be completely disrespecting myself to have anything to do with him again. Can't believe I could have such strong feelings for someone with his character. Deleted all his pics and removed him from facebook and had a talk with his daughter before I deleted her as well. I just cant have any reminders. Time to grieve, pick myself up, and move on with my life. Just want the pain of it all to be gone.