Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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ChewbaccaSmith 07/18/2018

I will give coles notes version

Relationship had infedility in past thought I could get over it but it was eating me away because we never addressed it.

She hasn't worked in a long time even though I asked her to get a job for years.

Last three months we been at councelling it was a bad experience, councillor was bad and we were not addressing issues.

I finally moved out because finances where getting bad and I was getting angry being at home and anxiety was getting too bad every time I went home.

After I moved out she had a job 3 days later which really pissed me off because it is like too little too late.

I am having second thoughts about being seperated since we have been together for almost 20 years married for 18 last 4 have not been as good as I have liked.

Feel like we have grown apart. I just don't know what the next steps are.. I am behind on bill having a hard time at work it is like the perfect storm.

Anyone with experience here?

daphne5 07/20/2018

I haven't experienced the exact circumstances, but I've experienced the overall problem. Your wife has completely taken you for granted. I think you could have done better at holding her accountable. But you're doing that now, so that's a good thing.

Try to heal. That will help you figure out what to do next. You may want to give it a good long time. I wouldn't take her back unless she worked on herself and that will take time to happen. Sometimes when the spouse leaves, it gives the partner that takes the other for granted the incentive they need to get their act together. I personally wouldn't take her back unless she did.

Good luck

finallyawakenow 07/20/2018

I’m an expert in perfect storms. First the infidelity. It broke me in places that only now, after a decade, I am coming to understand. And last year finally made some big choices to change my ways of thinking. First I began changing bad habits and replacing them with good ones. That got my confidence up, from the floor where it had been. Once I was exercising and taking some time to meditate I began reading about infidelity, codependency and fear/anxiety. Decided that I was keeping the pain alive by thinking about it. She wanted it in the past and to move on from it with me. I was stuck though. Like ptsd. Realized that I just had to let it go. Stop playing that movie in my head. And accept it. Time wasn’t healing it. I had to look closely at what was really bothering me and found it was our communication. We had lost the ability to talk openly. So I started reading and meditating on the art of communication. And that started the honest talks we have now. You have to let her go and accept that she is her own person with hopes and fears of her own. And if you still love her for who she is then tell her. If you can find a way to treat eachother kindly and with respect then the trust could come back. If it doesn’t at least you may feel some closure and that can free you to live your life with more clarity. Find your inner strenth. The past is past. Only how you treat yourself now matters. I wish you peace.

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