Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So yesterday due to the possible separation and divorce as well as the fight with my mother, I spilled what was going on to my older sister, things have been kept pretty quiet about what's going on, I have some close work friends and moms friends I talk to, my mom occasionally hears at the point there is a possibility of me leaving. This separation and starting over plan has been coming together over the last year between my husband and I, we can't afford to fight things out with lawyers. My mom of course says I am being unfair (even though she screwed my dad over) and my sister insinuated it, but never responded after I explained why. Do you think I am being unreasonable?
House-Him (in his name) not asking, wanting or expecting anything for it
Trucks-Me, we have 2 trucks both in my name, paid for by me, I would sell the one he drives it is only worth 4-5K purchased before he was even in the picture, I would also probably have to turn mine in and get a cheaper leased vehicle.
Pension/Retirement Plans-keep our own.
I think in the long run will be cheaper and easier for him to figure out a vehicle then pay me for a portion of the house
Husband understands this logic when we are not fighting, but as soon as we are I am being a heartless bitch and he is fighting me for the kids half the time.
House-Him (in his name) not asking, wanting or expecting anything for it
Trucks-Me, we have 2 trucks both in my name, paid for by me, I would sell the one he drives it is only worth 4-5K purchased before he was even in the picture, I would also probably have to turn mine in and get a cheaper leased vehicle.
Pension/Retirement Plans-keep our own.
I think in the long run will be cheaper and easier for him to figure out a vehicle then pay me for a portion of the house
Husband understands this logic when we are not fighting, but as soon as we are I am being a heartless bitch and he is fighting me for the kids half the time.
Call your local bar association and ask which attorneys do pro-bono work and/or charge on a sliding scale basis.
Depending on your state laws, you may have the option of a DIT divorce where you make all the decisions, fill in the blanks on the legal forms and pay an attorney a minimal amount to legalize it.
Also, call some attorneys and ask if they do free consultations. If they do, then make appts w/as many as you can. Come with a list of questions for them to answer. In addition to asking about what a DIY divorce entails, ask about child support, temporary spousal support (depending on who makes the most money) and asset division based on your state's laws.
Also check your state laws to see what you are entitled to based on how long you were married, as well as if your state is a no-fault divorce state or not.
Get all of your ducks in a row by gathering copies of your last 3 tax returns, his soc sec #, birth certificates, marriage license, cr cards accts, assets, debts, etc. You will need to know this if your state is a community property state or not. Just because things are in your or his name only doesn't mean you aren't either entitled to a portion of the assets or debts.
If I were you, I would be very cautious when it comes to believing that he will sign. Saying he agrees and signing the legal forms are two very different things. And I would not trust a word he says. This is your future and your kids future you're dealing with.
You need to find out your rights, based on where you live. Don't sign or agree to everything until you really understand & have come to peace with what you're agreeing to.
From what I've seen first hand, & in marriages ending around me, this flip flopping on his part is very normal, it's a control technique as well as general bad behaviour
That said, you and he both need lawyers. You should each take your financial info and the rest of it to a lawyer and ask about probable splits.
They should be able to bring up any issues that you haven't thought of.
Then one of your lawyers writes the agreement, the other makes changes, yours makes changes, back and forth a few times...and hopefully you're done.
Some states don't require a custody agreement (unless you're fighting). My state didn't. Really ends up working better without one.
The best part of our agreement, was that we're able to talk to each other without hating each other...and I know of few that went through a fight with lawyers that can say the same.
My ex called me a few names during the divorce too. If it wasn't a normal thing in your marriage, then it will likely fade away afterwards. People generally return to what they're like baseline. So if he was abusive throughout the marriage, he'll likely continue to be abusive.
But if he was mostly decent, he'll return to being mostly decent.
Speaking the war was on then, before then there was some
semblance Of civility. We still waved, that type of thing.
He wanted mediation that went no where. There Were
no easy answers evenThough the split was 50-50. He had
his comm venture On the same property. Most of our
Money was there and there was a mtg too.
We had no children, my ex was so bad he took me off
his will before we were even divorced. It didnt matter for
Anything jointly held though he was just being hateful.
I hate to even think about any of that time. We still are
Not done either. He has two years to pay me the rest and
Get my name off the mtg or we sell. I do not want to tangle
With him again.
Also i did not discuss my divorce with my mother she
Was not really being supportive only wanted to tear him
Down, plus try to control me. Talk to only loving supportive
people you know Who they are.
(((((( hugs ))))))