This is for you to decide, but it appears that right now, you aren't wife or separated spouse, you are housekeeper, laundress and cook.

Good luck and God Speed.

This is a very difficult situation. I would imagine there is no custody legal arrangement but I think if you do initiate a divorce, having sons with husband may impact your ability to gain custody. So this might not be the best. If your husband is so horrible, why do you even leave the sons there? How old are the sons? My best advice for you is to get to a good divorce attorney and find out your legal rights and obligations in your area. You are not happy with how the arrangement is right now so this must change. Maybe move back into the family house but into your own bedroom if you can. Do not fight with the husband, just control yourself and know you are planning a more healthy escape. If you don't want custody of your kids, then move into your own apartment near to their home. I understand he has hurt you, therapy could help with that issue. You just are not happy at your folks and not happy away from your kids and dog and former home, so I am suggesting thinking about perhaps going back while you file for divorce. My advice may not work if he is physically or sexually abusive. My goal is for you to get to a place where you stop crying and do healthier things for yourself. The sons seeing mom so unhappy and just leaving them with the difficult dad also makes them resent you perhaps. You not being there is hard on them also. So making a better choice for yourself and for the sons takes some real thought. This half way stuff is making you cry too much and perhaps a therapist and good attorney will guide you better.

First, I admire you for letting your husband stay in the house with the children.
As to a divorce attorney, the posters are right, he would not recommend that.
Fighting, depletion of assets, stress for children are customary in divorces; the one thing the lawyer worries about is not getting called that dreaded 4 letter word- nice.

It wasn't clear what the reason for the divorce was and why the situation could not be addressed, so you might want to spell it out.

Thanks for your concern. My sons are 15 and 19. They are there by their choice- not because of dad but because it is theirs and where the friends/pets are. I am not worried about custody nor about their father with them he is an awful spouse but an ok dad- he loves his sons even if he can be exceptionally selfish. The boys can manage- I didn’t leave until they were old enough to be okay no matter. . I think the emotional is what is hardest. I have an attorney on retainer now. You are right in some ways about about my status. I do not want to move back in.as the fights seem to persist. The fights and trauma from before make it so hard.

Thank you for caring. I agree about what my status is. As far as moving back in - I’m not sure I am ready for or strong enough for it. I have anxiety because of our fights. My husband is a horrible spouse but a decent father although self involved. My boys are old enough to be there and be okay- 15& 19 I didn’t leave before for a reason. They chose to stay near their friends and with their pets not so much because of their dad. I also am carefully monitoring to make sure all is okay. I have to respect the boys too.

The 19 year old is an adult, but the 15 year old is still a child and needs his mother. It is good you monitor things but you are not around to reinforce the rules or make sure they come home on time, etc. Your husband being self absorbed or self involved may give him more energy to fight you in a divorce. You are not happy, though, so you have to find the changes that work for yourself and the 15 year old. If you move into your own apartment near to husband's house, then the 15 could come live with you if he wanted. Anyone who is self involved is not a good parent, not really. They are more involved in doing for themselves than taking care of a child. The main thing is -- figure out how you can be happier and move forward in life. Move out of your parent's home if this is the problem or if your boys can't live with you there. Get a job or a better job if you will need to pay child support as is common for the non-custodial parent in the USA. Start to create a good new life for yourself while watching over the boys for a few more years. Get counseling if you can't do this on your own. Because you deserve to create a good life and the boys need you to be a strong, happy woman to model what a good partner looks like. Best wishes to you.