Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I'm 3 months post break-up although it feels like a lifetime. It's been mostly no contact and when there has been contact it was initiated by him but it wasn't about him wanting me back. I have spent a lot of time being self destructive but I don't know how else to deal with the hurt. He text me this week to say hi, he had this wild idea that we could be friends. I have been in the angry stage for a while but until then, I had found the strength not to unleash on him. I tried my best to ignore the text all together but it got the best of me and I unleashed. It sent me into a tailspin and I digressed.
I have been back on the dating scene and talking to a few really nice guys. I went on one date before the digression, it didn't work out and I was fine. But since contact with him, I realize my sense of self worth is still tied to him not wanting me anymore. I don't understand how I can be getting so much positive attention from great guys who want to date me yet I feel worthless because of what he did to me. All I want to do is heal and move on but I worry I will never recover.
Someone told me today that I need to start by loving myself and it was the best advice. I guess I will try to start there. I can't give up but it's so incredibly hard. I hate what he's done to me.
My ex boyfriend also reached out to me wanting to be friends because he felt guilty for the cold and indifferent way he dumped me. I would forgive him but then lash out at him in anger. I finally had to tell him I couldn’t talk to him until I was ready to let go of my anger. He would reach out every month or two just to check on me. Accepting my lashing hurtful words.
So you go through all the signs and symptoms, grief, loss, anger and recovery. It took me 2 yrs post breakup to move on without being hurt or hateful.
He and I are at a much better place now. We talk to each other and can even reminisce without anger. He admits that he misses our relationship at times and his current marriage isn’t what we shared but it’s a choice he made and must make the best of... so in a way it’s a small win for me that he lost something.
I love the person I am with but it’s a different emotional journey than what I shared with my ex and yes, I too at times miss what we shared.
But life doesn’t always go your way.
In the grand scheme of things, you will see that you should not keep contact with this person and that there is no logical reason you need to do this.
Do you have friends and close family? Don't date just yet. Per your post here, you don't seem to be ready to date because you have not moved on.
If you don't want to hurt others, and in the process end up hurting yourself more, don't date. Don't do the "rebound" thing.
Don't turn those nice men into women haters.
It takes time to move on from any relationship. Do things on your own, with friends, etc. Don't be impatient, and love yourself a lot.
You are worth everything!
Will you ever recover? A big yes! read the line above :)