Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
It has been awhile since I have been here, I have wanted to come back but it's so hard for me to talk to people... its been over two months since I broke up with her and I was doing better but now I am having nightmares again. I haven't heard from her since father's day when she texted me about the stuff I found that she might want, I was being nice and setting aside stuff from her school and family she might want while I try to clean out what was her apartment... when I'm done it will be mine again but anyway... She texted about me not being fast enough do it and she cursed me out and made sure I knew she was over me a Long time ago and she is having a harder time getting over the girl she cheated on me with (I found out from looking on Facebook, yes I know I shouldn't have looked, that the girl she cheated on me with might be marrying her girlfriend, ohhhhh toooo bad for my EX) What's funny is her cursing me and just being plain mean made me feel better for awhile. It reminded me that I am better off... but that fades after a time. This week I have had 3 dreams about still being with her and me catching her cheating... I wake up and want to cry and I can't breath. It's all I can think about. I have been tiring to do better. I even signed up for an art course online and it's really helped but since I had those dreams I stopped working on it... I think what triggered the dreams is... I am almost done cleaning that room... and I am scared of two things that will come last... leaving that stuff I think she will want for her to pick up (If I see her it will be the last time ever since she might be moving home a few states away) and selling her ring... I need to... I should... I could use the money... but I am scared it will break me.
Also my brother saw her in a store and she was "hanging all over" a guy and it made my brother "sick" to see them. She was laughing and having a great time. I know who she is with. She met him at the hotel she went to when I kicked her out. She told me she would date him if the girl she really wanted to be with turned her down again. Why does she get to be so happy when she is a lair and a cheater? All I have ever wanted was to love and be loved and all I get is stabbed in the back. The first date I ever went on was when I was 18 and the girl I was with thought so little of me that after dinner she picked up a guy right in front of me... the second "date" I went on was with a girl who only wanted to talk about the guy she was tiring to get to notice her. I am such a loser. I have no friends left and the pity others gave me after the break up is gone since I should have already moved on. I just feel so worthless and alone even when I can get my mind off of the break up I still feel that way. I need to learn to be alone since I know I will always be this way but I don't know how to do that.
I wrote more that I meant to but I saw a picture of her today and I really needed to say something to someone before I tried to sleep. I'm scared to dream.
Also my brother saw her in a store and she was "hanging all over" a guy and it made my brother "sick" to see them. She was laughing and having a great time. I know who she is with. She met him at the hotel she went to when I kicked her out. She told me she would date him if the girl she really wanted to be with turned her down again. Why does she get to be so happy when she is a lair and a cheater? All I have ever wanted was to love and be loved and all I get is stabbed in the back. The first date I ever went on was when I was 18 and the girl I was with thought so little of me that after dinner she picked up a guy right in front of me... the second "date" I went on was with a girl who only wanted to talk about the guy she was tiring to get to notice her. I am such a loser. I have no friends left and the pity others gave me after the break up is gone since I should have already moved on. I just feel so worthless and alone even when I can get my mind off of the break up I still feel that way. I need to learn to be alone since I know I will always be this way but I don't know how to do that.
I wrote more that I meant to but I saw a picture of her today and I really needed to say something to someone before I tried to sleep. I'm scared to dream.
But life is generally good now and the upsetting days are further apart
Dreams are our way of processing information and emotions, sometimes ones we don't want to deal with when we are awake. Sometimes they seem so very real. I can relate, as I've had similar dreams of her with OM, and I've woken up devastated and in tears, with that awful ache in my chest and throat.
They will become less frequent with time, and eventually they will stop.
As for the apartment room, tell her if she wants her stuff faster, she can clean the damn room herself. How disrespectful to berate you over it. You are clearly better off without this woman. In time you will see that and good things will happen in your life. Hang in there.
This is now the only way I can talk to people about what I'm going through and how I feel. My family doesn't talk about "feelings". Don't get me wrong I had a good childhood but my family is really not into showing feelings... I think that's why I wanted to shower my ex with love... it hurt me when one of the last things she said to me was that she thought I didn't really love her. I told her so everyday, I took care of her when she was sick (turns out one time I cared for her was when she was heartbroken over that girl and not really sick) I cooked, I did everything she wanted... I put aside almost everything I cared about for her... and yeah she said I didn't love her.
It's so hard to wrap my mind around the shy, sweet, loving, and beautiful girl I met and asked to marry me... would turn in to a vulgar, mean spirited, hate filled person that I didn't even want to be around.... and that she is happier this way...
I should get to bed... I have to get up early but I'm going to read or something so I wont be thinking of all of this before hand.
My soon to be ex hubby went to his friend's wedding today. Last night I had a dream that he took a date to the wedding. It was so real to me. I was there but no one could see me. I watched my hubby do all the sweet things for his date that he did for me. I woke up devastated. The dreams are so painful!
You wrote this: "It's so hard to wrap my mind around the shy, sweet, loving, and beautiful girl I met and asked to marry me... would turn in to a vulgar, mean spirited, hate filled person that I didn't even want to be around.... and that she is happier this way... "
HOLY COW! That hit home for me. This is exactly how I feel about my hubby. I cannot wrap my head around how someone who was also shy, sweet and loving could turn into someone mean spirited and awful. Someone told me to take time during our wedding to stop and cherish certain moments. I did that and I can vividly recall how it felt to dance with him that night and how soft his skin was when he kissed me. He was so loving and sweet and nothing like the person he is now. I'm struggling to wrap my head around this. It would be one thing if someone turned on a person they went out with a few times but started dating in 1996 so we've been together for 19 years. Our 13th anniversary is Monday and it's the first we won't be together to celebrate it. I keep thinking about how great he was on that day and how happy we were and to be where we are is heartbreaking. I don't think there is an explanation out there for this that will really satisfy me. I will never get it because that's now how I am. I would never cheat or steal or vandalize something yet people do it all the time and don't think twice about it. I just don't get how you can knowingly do something that will cause pain on someone else. Especially someone you've been with for 19 years! What in their brain causes this switch to be flipped?
I'm sorry to ramble on with no constructive advice to add. I will pray for peace for you. I hope one day you are able to find happiness again.
Saturday would of been 8 years since we became a couple... that day became a mess for us because it is also my Mother's birthday, and the day my Granny died when I was young. Because my mother's mother died on her birthday we don't have a party or do gifts (we have another day for that) but we take her out to eat. But me and my ex wanted to celebrate too. So we always would go out on another day for our anniversary. Well two years ago that wasn't enough and she got mad... told me I didn't care about us and always put everyone else before her (which is funny because everyone else saw it the opposite) So we fought but in the end she had to work late that day so it didn't matter and we made up and had our date later.... but like she always did, she remembered the fight and forgot we made up. So she tossed that in my face any time she could (she forgot working late too).... up to the point that last year she didn't even come when we took my Mother out... because... she was with that girl at a park making out.... Saturday will be hard but my brother and his family will be there and they are always fun... just... Ive been having a hard week... my coworkers even see it. Coming here and reading even a few kind works helps me so much. Thank you!