Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
hello to all. my wife has told me she is moving out . I'm loosing it. I told her to stay I willover out and hope she can find me in her heart again. it's my own fault I have not ben a nice person to her the last few years. I started emotionally a using g her and would not admit to it I didn't see where I was. I do now I am seeing a counselor and looking for help everywhere and people to talk to. my wife has had my heart since I was 14 now 36. we been married 8 years together for 13. she is truly my best friend and my soul mate. I know she hurts and wants to be happy again. all I want her to be is happy. I'm having g a hard time facing the fact she might be gone. and I may never get to hold her again. I have ben very selfish in our marriage and I vow to her and me she is priority 1 nothing matters but her. she said I need to find my happiness counting on her talking to her being with her is my happiness. I guess I need to start looking to be happy another way..
If I can guess, or make assumptions based off my situation...she wants you to find your own happiness, and not put your happiness on her shoulders. She doesn't want or need that responsibility. (No one does.) Happiness comes from within. It's normal to hurt and mourn, but don't be mean to her and pour your feelings all at her about how you can't live without her - as that makes someone feel the opposite of what you may intend. SHOW her you can be kind. Show her you're able to react in a more positive way to something you previously acted abusive to. Show respect for her feelings & respect her boundaries.
I'm speaking from someone who wishes someone said this to her spouse 5 years ago...I've said it but he never listened to me, or the 3 prior counselors we went to - he is listening now to the 4th one, but I'm already broken and can no longer trust his promises of kinder behavior. The hurt created by someone who is supposed to love you is immense. So just know she is hurt too and is why she left.
Try couples counseling - find someone who will give you guys goals and not just let you bicker at each other and point fingers. We all just want to be heard and have our feelings validated. Maybe that will help in this all for your both to cope with this situation.
Good for you in seemingly owning your part in this all & not blaming her (even though we all do it); she will have to do the same as well. As no one is perfect.
I have ben listening to understand her now not just make her feel like I am.
finally talking to a therapist and talking in groups have helped so much I regret not doing it years ago when she asked. but I'm glad she separated from me to realize I'm wrong. I look foward to how the future will turn out. getting mad at so much little stuff and taking it out on anyone is not right and mean so not worth the hurt
I'm sorry you have to go thru it after reading about othersome stories of abuse it makes me feel sick. it's good to get a outside look I guess. I hope the best for you and your husband I know it is not easy for you. and I hope he finds peace with his anger soon.
thanks again for the response it helps me thru this
working on yourself for yourself it all takes time
Especially to get at the root of your problems.
Many times they are deeply rooted issues from
Family dysfunction and can take a long time and
A lot of hard work.
My Ex would not own his side of the street and
he had Anger from his upbringing too. HUGS
Abuse issues, low self esteem and
Low self worth.
Often people turn to drugs And
alcohol to escape all the pain, hurt
and confusion which just Makes
Them messed up even more.
Long term changed behaviors are
just that. They need to be reinforced
and wanted deeply by you and for you
No one else. HUGS
They say it's rare for abusers to change, but I think you may be an exception and I hope that you are! (Sorry I keep calling you that, but I think you recognized this and are making fabulous choices to cope with your hurt in a kinder way than with anger.)