First of all I am sorry that you are going through this. I have had this feeling you describe happen many times. I see him and think wow I screwed up so much by letting him go, and then I force myself to go back and think of all the terrible things he did to me and the hurt he caused. I too, am on an emotional roller coaster and the smallest thing will set me off. I understand that fuzzy felling that you describe. The fact that you know there is other aspects that you know you cannot live with is very telling. Stay strong and fight through the hard days, have faith you will find someone who has all of the good qualities you describe and so much more. You are able to realize that it is just a feeling that comes and goes when a relationship ends and that is a show of great strength! I find that it helps for me to journal when I am feeling good and then I can return to that. I also journal when I am upset, I have recently started going more into why I am feeling upset and what I can do to change it and then writing that down too. I usually write to myself in a way that I know I can return to when I am having a tough time to give me clarity and strength. Or sometimes I need to get away from everything and go for a walk or run outside. I also find that talking through it with friends of family also helps me regain clarity. They are able to remind me of things that sometimes I forget and bring me back to the reasons I left.

Remember you are not alone and that many people are experiencing/experienced what you are feeling. Stay strong and fight though the emotional times. Treat yourself with kindness and talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend. I try to think of every breakdown as progress and a show of strength because I am able to get through it and heal a little bit more. Each time I breakdown it is a little bit less sad than the last and a part of the healing.
Wishing you happiness and healing!

elleray37 thanks so much for that response. I sort of knew that but like I said I felt fuzzy, so hearing that from someone else just validated it for me and decreased that fuzzy feeling. Today I feel much different and can see more clearly now that I am making the right decision as 90% of the time I was unhappy in the marriage. I can't stay with someone for that mere 10% of time when its "good". I see more clearly now that that part of the roller coaster is just uncomfortable and painful but I can hold on and get through it. I will end, feelings always change.

Its so great to have the site, because as you say its a reminder that I'm not alone. People go through this stuff daily and its painful for many people and they too survive it. And thanks for the reminder to journal. I was reading online about importance of journally and then you mentioned it, so I picked up some paper and started writing. This will be a good account of the ups and downs. Thx so much for your support, I appreciate it.

enough50, I am so glad to hear that today you are feeling better and that your clarity has returned. I too really struggle with remembering how unhappy I was and I tend to only remember all of the things I loved about him, and think of all of the things he is now doing with the OW. You are very right that we cannot stick around for that mere 10% of the time when things were good. Thinking back about things only holds me back and prolongs the healing. I know deep down I made the right choice, and I just have to remember that when I think I miss him.

I am so thankful for this site and the people here. Sometimes all I need to be reminded is that other people are going through what I am going through. It helps me to talk with others here and give my input. I find strength in giving advice to others here and it reminds me that I am strong, and we will through this. I am glad to hear you have started journal-ling again, it truly does help.

Wishing you all the best!