Oh I am so sorry. Your post brought me to tears. I know what you mean. Even though you know it's time and it's right for you, the sadness can be so overwhelming. I'm experiencing the ups and downs too. You feel almost normal one day and the next is unbearable. This is exactly why I searched for this group. I'm still going through the tears and anxiety stage. I did start seeing a counselor last week as I have no near family or friends. Ironically she was our marriage counselor for 2 years. Mine too has been a very unstable unhealthy relationship for 9 1/2 of the 10 years. I think we feel miserable because we are grieving , grieving the loss of our relationship, the trust, the familiarity and even the time we spent trying to get out of the relationship what we were putting into it. I hope you are able to get out from under the sadness today. Hugs

Thank you so much! It helps so much to "talk". I don't have many people either. My kids are in their early twenties and I just don't want to unload on them because I know it would hurt them to see their mom in pain. I can't find any support groups in my town. I've got one friend who went through this many years ago. She's been great and has listened to me cry a lot over the past 2 weeks. I'm trying not to use her as an emotional crutch.

Grief is an excellent word to describe this. I've always had my life so planned out (that's my first mistake, I suppose). I guess I always knew divorce was a possibility but never thought it would actually happen. And I guess if we had decided to call it quits over the fact that it was a bad marriage would be one thing. But to come across his love/sex messages to someone he's never even met was really a punch to the chest. Despite everything I was always faithful to him. I thought we would grow old together.

I am so sorry we are going through this. I see so much pain on these message boards. It's so heartbreaking.

Therapy and www.divorcecare.org help a lot
With all the grief and the divorce process. Many
Times when the marriage has been toxic there
Is more to grieve and to move thru.

You will probably Need to detach and if there
were addiction issues alanon will help. i did all
three and they worked Well together. HUGS

Just wanted to say Hi and let you know that although there is so much pain on these boards as you've observed, there too is so much relief, personal growth, renewed self awareness, and success. We are all success stories, some are still unfolding, but we can all get to the other side. When you're in the middle of it, these platitudes from random strangers seem pretty unbelievable - words like you'll get over it, it was for the best, it just takes time - that kind of stuff. But they can be true. It's only been 2 weeks for you since he's been out, but don't you feel some relief that you took charge, made a decision, and followed through with it?

In my case, I was considering divorce for 8 years before I finally made a decision. The moment I filed, I felt a change, like I had finally taken over the wheel from some reckless driver. The year leading up to the filing was brutal, the year we lived together during the divorce was a little less brutal but livable because I kept hoping the end was closer, everyone said the end of the tunnel was nearing so I had to believe that. The two months since the divorce have been the best two months of my life in the last 8 years. I can honestly say that I feel happy. The dread of waking up with him in the house is gone, knowing that I'll see him at the end of the day. Blech. I don't miss him, at all, but it took two years for me to get to this point. Two weeks is just the beginning. There will be unexpected ups and downs, but you'll get there. Trust in yourself.

Thank you all very much! No addiction issues on either side, thank goodness!

I guess my problem is that I do miss my husband. And the world would think I was crazy saying that. How do you miss someone who complained 24/7? I was always being criticized--nothing I did was ever right or good enough. The negativity was oppressive.

And yet, I miss him as a presence in my life. I miss the person he could have been and the life we were working towards that is now gone. I used to look forward to the future--of retiring one day, of traveling together, doing things together. Now I dread the future. I am afraid of it.

I just wish this overwhelming sadness would end.