Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I haven't posted in a while because I have been handling the divorce okay so far. I just cried for the first time in a month at work because bad shit keeps on happening. My car didn't start on Saturday and I texted my Stbx and of course did not hear back for couple hours. In the meantime I couldn't take the kids to karate and my neighbor came out to try to jump the car. So I guess I can't even rely on my Stbx on stuff like this anymore even though it sort of involved the kids. Great. Then tow truck takes the car and Pep Boys put a new battery and I get the car back that day but items are missing in the car. Not a big deal to lose phone charger and iPhone ear buds but still. Then on Monday I get a call from the vice principal from my 8 year old son kicked a classmate in the groin area so he is suspended. I had to go talk to the principal and VP this morning as well. I feel like a failure....
Long hard journey.
I remember after my ex left winter
Time was bad. He came somewhat
To help shovel and clear away snow.
It was the storms and the weather
That was scary with no one to really
Count on to have your back and also
help With all the other issues.
That was a very hard transition for me
Accepting he is not my husband And
i am not his concern anymore.
I know You have children hopefully he
stays A good parent for their sake.
You are not a failure, children act out.
They take divorce personally. HUGS
In other words, our car is no longer a part of his concern. It' now yours.
People typically don't perk up when the ex or stbx calls and needs help. This is probably one reason why AAA was invented.
Even if you were going to lose your home, and you cried to him "for the sake of the kids," chances are good that he would respond by taking the kids in and taking over full custody. He would probably have no concern that you were homeless, as he might be too busy focusing on his own life and his own future. While you do have to work together for the benefit of the kids, you are a part of his past, and he is a part of your past. There is no future.
The hard truth is that you are mostly on your own now, save for child support and his involvement in their lives [not yours]. If he's a good father, then he'll pay child support, he'll have productive and fun visitations, and he'll have some involvement in their life's activities.
Keeping your expectations realistic will go a long way toward building your confidence. No, you are not a failure. You just had some unrealistic expectations, which were based on what your relationship with him used to be. Both of you used to care for one another, and this has changed. It is sad, but it's also the reality.
It's a change that might take some time for adjustment and acceptance.
Don't beat yourself up over it. Best of luck.
-HUGS-