I'm so sorry that you're going through this. The good days will come and go, today is just meh for me whereas yesterday I felt like I was jumping out of my skin.

Posting a stream of consciousness here is a good start and helpful to get your thoughts into the universe. I find it much more therapeutic to put a mouth on it and just say things out loud. If you have someone you can confide in or just vent call them up. I personally vent to my parents, brother, a couple of friends, my college roommate, the shipping/receiving guy at work (seriously) and my pastor. Putting your thoughts to voice and sharing it with someone is very powerful.

If you don't have someone to talk to send me a message and I'll give you my number. I'll give you a place to vent with no judgement, you'll probably have to hear about me as well but you'll know you're not alone.

I'm not sure if you're a Christian but I'll throw this in as well because it has meaning as well.

Ecclesiastes 4:14

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

When there are triggers, anxiety or stress kick in
My levels start going wacky. I then need to step
back And try to keep myself calm and stay out of
Overwhelm and overload which happened a lot
During the divorce.

The whole process is just plain Awful and in IMO
its something to survive with Any sanity left over.

You will get thru it like Many of us on here have then
After the divorce there is the transition phase which
has a lot of peaks and valleys, grief is a big player here
whether you like her or not, HUGS

Do it! Go into the bathroom, your car, wherever and have a good cry. It's very therapeutic and much better than bottling it up. If you're at work and have mascara you don't want to run go out to your car and just scream. Your body knows what needs to happen regardless of whether your head has caught up yet.

As to the loneliness, believe me I hear you. I'm used to a spouse, 2 kids & 2 dogs running around, now I've got an empty house (2 dogs still but they don't have kids chasing them around). It's just so quiet that my brain wanders.

I set up my workout equipment in the room right next to my bedroom so I see it first thing in the morning. The last 2 weeks I've started my day by working out. It really helps take the edge off at the start of the day, helps me wake up and I've already started noticing differences (YAY self-worth!)

That ENTIRE last paragraph is EXCELLENT!

You're doing something for yourself! Put you 1st! You said you had a son, doing something to put you 1st is going to make you BETTER able to take care of him.

I don't have a scale to measure where I'm at but it's 2 belt notches smaller. Considering that I'm working out and putting on muscle I think the belt and mirror are a better gauge for me anyways. Keep doing it, your self-worth will have a ripple effect on other areas of your life (all of them positive).

A little competition is GOOD. Doing something new is GOOD. Keep that up and you'll soon have a whole slew of activities that define YOU rather than something you and your ex used to do together.

The biggest thing you're going to get in this whole horrible thing is self-discovery. You're going to find out who you are as a person all over again and carry that on with you into whatever comes in the next stage of your life.

I too have a desk job and the brain does start to wander (to the bad places). I let my bosses know what was going on (scary stuff) and told them I might need to take a walk around the block to clear my head on the regular. So far today I've taken 2 quick walks. Yesterday I think it was 15. The thing is I told them if I could get a breath of fresh air and clear my head I'd be better able to do my job. Your boss may say no, which is OK; it's work after all, but if they do say yes you may be able to go out and look at the trees, smell the spring air and come back with some renewed vigor. (The worst they're going to say is no. You've lost nothing. If they say yes I think that's a better solution than the bathroom especially if you love the nice weather).

I am having a day similar to the day you just described. Not having a great day and feeling overwhelmed because of it. Everything becomes overwhelming despite all the progress you've made, then add the loneliness and the wanting companionship and that's enough to just want to throw in the towel. I know the feeling that you are not in love with your ex, wanting nothing to do with them, but kinda missing the feeling love and trust from another person and having similar feelings can give you. Do you feel like you are ready to start dating? For me I'm not so sure, the idea sounds great but then the reality sets in and I still have a lot of issues with trusting people right now. But the loneliness, that I understand and it can do things to your logical thinking. Do you go to therapy? A divorce group? If not, maybe you can try and find some people that have similar experiences so you can spend time with someone but still not get involved in something if you think you're not ready. Whatever you decide know that you are not alone, and I'm here to talk if you'd like because I find myself in the same situation you are in now. Good luck with everything, I hope you find some comfort and relief soon.

Just read your posts. Thanks.Not wishing anyone to go through this, but I am thankful I am not the only one.

I meet with another attorney tomorrow. I am feeling tired, lonely and all the ups and downs. I want to just crawl under the covers and sleep. Yet, I know I still have to prepare questions for the attorney and try to keep my emotions under control.

I have tried all my healthy measures to just get me through today on the job. I screamed in my vehicle on the way home. The stbx emailed me a request to help him get something for to improve is job and income down the road, but know he wants to just let me sink. I came home to my dog who is 13 hurting and had lost control. I know it is getting closer to letting him go too. I just wish i could have the comfort of someone holding me with no strings not wanting anything from me. I had always been there for those that needed me. But it wasn't always a two way street. I want to be wanted not needed.

Well, I guess we are just all having a bad day. Remember thou it doesn't have to be a bad life or future. In time, I hope I can look back at this and be proud of the strength that I develop in myself and find the peace within my heart.

That took a lot of courage to post the scars of your heart. It's not an easy thing to do. I'm pretty sure you are not the only one and at some point we've all experienced a hard breakup, I know I have. The things I've been learning about my emotions, is that I can't always trust them, they lie, they change and at times try to make me do things I would not normally do if I weren't being emotional. The past couple of years I've learned for me venting on paper thru journaling and in prayer has brought me so much more peace than venting to others, but every one is different and you may not have a faith or belief system. During some of the darkest times of my life I sought out a faith based recovery group that helps us deal with our hurts, habits and hangups and there formed some close, lasting bonds of friendship, maybe this might be something you'd consider. You'll be in my prayers for healing, comfort and peace and the ability to move forward without looking in the rear-view mirror. : ) Hugs from Texas