I think the established way is a potent gift, it creates rushes of feelings and sensations, and they are very intoxicating, as well as snagging all of our long held romantic beliefs in fairytales from our childhood.

I believe in happily ever after. Yet, not with the same person because it is the common trend to see broken relationships and the one time marriage seems dead.

Hmmm, cmondo..yeah. I DO believe in My happily ever after. Even if I'm alone.
Joy, yep, very intoxicating, those feelings.

This post gave me a whole new perspective. :)

i agree with the ring thing- i never wanted a ring. my exhusband desinged us tattoo wedding bands and i was beyond happy about that. we got those when we were first engaged. right before we got married he bought me a ring and had a band that enclosed itself in the ring - it was designed with the same colored stones that he put in our tattooed band. i loved it- loved the concept- and it meant a great deal to me. but at the end of the day the wedding band i still have tattooed on my finger meant more.

im starting to lean towards not getting married; but being in a long term relationship with someone. it seems healthier. i never needed a piece of paper to solidify that i would be with my exhusband forever. ive got several good friends in healthy relationships that have lived together for 5 plus years- its not something i need to worry about yet- but it seems more realistic.

xoxo

what do you think of handfasting , the traditional partnering rite that pagans and Wiccans use?

It's supposed to be renewed (or not) every year, yes?

I don't believe in passion only without love. Simply put, if two people fall in love and passion integrates their relationship, a short term would not define the emotion as a close and integral connection.

I believe that even strong relationships suffer erosion and need somewhat of a fire to survive.

How many times have you heard someone saying "I love you" and not really meaning it?

Or meaning it that moment and two hours later behaving as if you didn't matter?

I believe there is ground for love. But as I see more and more, love rarely is eternal with just one.

As marriage - some mourn the end of a marriage that was not based in love to begin with.

I believe in love -- happily ever after kind of love. And, yes, that includes passion. But love is an ACTION and all too often people forget that. Love is an active thing -- to keep it going and growing, passionately and healthy, efforts need to be made or love and passion die.

When I say "I love you," I mean it. And my rings mean the world to me. Now if only someday I can find a guy who shares this commitment and mindset, I'll be good to go... Otherwise, I'll share my love with family and friends who deserve and appreciate it. And I'll buy my own jewelry to celebrate my own life moments.

I'm loving the handfasting idea, Joy. Im going to seriously consider that for next time.

When I married my ex, we eloped. no rings, no big white dress or party. I was completely fine with that because the outside stuff didnt matter at all to me.

Contract renewal...I dont know. There will be no opt out agreement for me, ever. I say until death do us part..only one of us will go out in a pine box and it sure as hell wont be me.

Love is a decision. not a feeling. I guess its a matter of finding a partner that allows you to grow separately and together and can roll with the punches.

the tying knots that is...not the one year, one day trial period :)

I have been reading Elizabeth Berg's Committed. Only about half way through so my thoughts are still really forming.

She has some interesting perspectives about marriage gained from travels in SE Asia asking women about love, ''good husband'', happy in marriage. Women laughed when asked these questions and could not understand the question. She realised that the expectation from marriage were completely different.

The essence of her point seemed to be that in the US, in particular and many Western cultures, we have grand expectations from marriage and relationships. Correct expectation? Incorrect expecations? I am still thinking through an awful lot.

At the end of it all, we can't expect someone to fulfill us any more than we can fulfill ourselves.

Do I personally believe long term love is possible? If I can love my children, my sister, my parents, my friends long term despite their individual personalities and weaknesses, then why would it not be possible to love another man and be loved by that man in return long term?

I do think Elizabeth Berg is on to something about our expectations in marriage. Certainly I have been rethinking mine and realise that it returns to my own self-fulfillment and ability to be a full, independent, whole person by myself and not expecting someone to ''complete me'' as I did in my marriage.

Just my thoughts that are really evolving and by this time next year, I will probably believe something different.......

I love your reply, Dren! Yes, we should be able to say that everyday - too bad for most of us, our partners didn't feel the same.

realizing that the dynamics of a relationship changes through the course of a relationship is important and not everyone is willign to work on the issues.

Some simply take off or disclose emotions... this is hard to take. If the concept of a constant feeding of love and passion is in place, the relationship works.

Otherwise, the possibility of a split is high.

I am all for symbols. And I was all for chucking my ring in the trash the day it was done.