Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I spent several days away from this group because reading everyone's stories became very difficult...I'm in a place where I want to try to remain positive but I don't have much to hold onto...nor much support...
As suggested by my therapist, I didn't contact my husband after "the incident" where he got very angry and after repeatedly telling me to get out of the car - yelled that he wanted a divorce. (We had been on the road to reconciliation prior to this, and my confronting him about some FB messages I discovered between him and another woman set him over the edge). A week later he came to our house to pick up our daughter fir a camping trip. He seemed sad and awkward but I put on a brave front. As he was leaving, he turned and gave me a tight hug and said, "I love you." I was stunned! When they returned home a few days later - that wall had gone back up and although he sat and talked for an hour about the trip (neither one of us brought up anything "heavy") - I got a friendly "side hug" when he left... then days of no communication again.
. I saw my therapist yesterday and she suggested to me that we needed to start communicating on some level...after many hours I finally got up the courage to text and wrote, "Would you like to meet for dinner somewhere tomorrow night?" After twenty minutes I received back, "Let me see what's going on and I'll get back with you." What the hell? I waited for a bit and then called...I told him that I was just trying to extend the olive branch and our therapist had suggested this...Everything I said was met with anger and defensiveness...I thought we could try to talk but I was met with lots if stony silence...even though I remained calm and non-blaming...
I cried for hours after this - I just don't understand and he's not willing or able to let me in! Our therapist says that he is working hard during his sessions with her and she believes he has PTSD from childhood abuse - which I triggered unknowingly...Can some men please chime in on the male perspective? Why the "push-pull" all the time? I have honored his request for space but it's true anguish wishing he would at least communicate...Thoughts??
As suggested by my therapist, I didn't contact my husband after "the incident" where he got very angry and after repeatedly telling me to get out of the car - yelled that he wanted a divorce. (We had been on the road to reconciliation prior to this, and my confronting him about some FB messages I discovered between him and another woman set him over the edge). A week later he came to our house to pick up our daughter fir a camping trip. He seemed sad and awkward but I put on a brave front. As he was leaving, he turned and gave me a tight hug and said, "I love you." I was stunned! When they returned home a few days later - that wall had gone back up and although he sat and talked for an hour about the trip (neither one of us brought up anything "heavy") - I got a friendly "side hug" when he left... then days of no communication again.
. I saw my therapist yesterday and she suggested to me that we needed to start communicating on some level...after many hours I finally got up the courage to text and wrote, "Would you like to meet for dinner somewhere tomorrow night?" After twenty minutes I received back, "Let me see what's going on and I'll get back with you." What the hell? I waited for a bit and then called...I told him that I was just trying to extend the olive branch and our therapist had suggested this...Everything I said was met with anger and defensiveness...I thought we could try to talk but I was met with lots if stony silence...even though I remained calm and non-blaming...
I cried for hours after this - I just don't understand and he's not willing or able to let me in! Our therapist says that he is working hard during his sessions with her and she believes he has PTSD from childhood abuse - which I triggered unknowingly...Can some men please chime in on the male perspective? Why the "push-pull" all the time? I have honored his request for space but it's true anguish wishing he would at least communicate...Thoughts??
I read a lot about men's issues. I would highly suggest a book called The Emotionally Unavailable Man: A Blueprint for Healing. It explains this and is written FOR the man, unlike most books. There is also a woman's side to the book too, to help women understand why they're like that.
It has a lot to do with how boys are raised vs girls. Girls are taught how to be emotionally supportive to other girls when they're crying, etc. Boys are taught NOT to express emotion (extremely unhealthy). By giving boys messages like "don't be a baby," "Man up," "boys don't cry," etc, we are teaching boys to repress emotions. So when they grow up they have no idea how to deal with them inside of relationships which puts them at a huge disadvantage and is extremely frustrating for women everywhere. When we try to get them to open up and talk about feelings, it feels like an attack to them. They consider it "nagging." It's extremely uncomfortable and scary for them. But it CAN be overcome, with work.
It's good that he's going to therapy and that he at least expresses to you when he needs space (mine would just disappear and not respond to my messages at all). Good luck, I hope it works out.