Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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foryouilldoanything090415 04/17/2017

I don't know what's going on with my marriage..I did a lot of messed up stuff, and i know I can't change what I did. But he can't even have sex with me at this point because all he can think about is what I did and who I was with, and he resents me for it and I don't know what else to do. I hate that I've done this and what I've done to him. I know I really screwed up, and I'm taking all the steps I can to get the help I need, I'm just so lost and I feel like an awful human being, he says he doesn't want a divorce because it isn't fair to him and that he shouldn't have to be without his wife, but why stay and be miserable when he can just go and find someone else that deserves him and can give him the life he wants..it's tearing me apart inside and I don't know what to do..

Ccapril 04/17/2017

Hi.

Keep heart, i like your deep honesty.
Just be clear that he is still hurting based on what u did. Give it time, do what you can to get the help you need.
At the same time, deep down, he wants it to work but still hurt.

guachita 04/17/2017

Only time and patience, both are there and that is a good think. Therapy? have you tried that, not that is doing wonders for me right now but at least helps to talk without always ending in an argument.
Do not initiate physical contact yet, try movies, dinner and make sure he can trust you every move.

LostAndRejected 04/17/2017

The emotions of betrayal, jealousy, inferiority, insecurity, inadequacy, rejection, shame, hurt, anger embarrassment and probably a million more are all working their way through him right now.

It sounds like he is trying to work his way through them. Trust may take a LONG time to come back if it EVER does.

If you want to make it work you'll both need counseling individually and as a couple. The stuff the counselor tells you will hurt. It should. Own it when he/she wrecks you. Actually listen and make the changes they suggest.

You don't get to judge him for not leaving you and having feelings. Those are his. You don't get to tell him to leave you and find someone else. That'll be his decision.

I don't know any more of your story besides the paragraph written above. Take those feelings you're having of being torn up and multiply them by about a million. That's what he's feeling. You may feel like an awful human being, he feels worse.

foryouilldoanything090415 04/17/2017

I go to individual counseling up to 3 times a week, I'm about to head back to Oklahoma as I am stationed there in the military. It's where we met, and I'm currently visiting in New York where he lives. I've asked to do couples counseling, and he's not entirely open to the idea, I think it's just because of how his work schedule is. And I get that, he works long days and at the end of the day all he wants to do is paint and chill out.

I've figured out that it's easier for me to write down how I feel rather than speaking. Like, last night, he went to sleep and I stayed up till he got up to go to work, and in the 45 minutes I was writing I was able to get about 5 pages. He hasn't seen any of it yet, and I'm wanting to write something for his northern as well, she passed when he was 21 and there's a spot in his living room where her urn is and small things she loved. I dunno. I guess it's just something I feel like I need to do, write her something and leave it with her ashes. Idk. My mind is going a million miles a minute. I just hope the army is done with my paper work sooner than later..so we can make this work.

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