was in the same boat at one time, as I am thinking many here have been as well.

No, time is not the only thing, but it is mostly the base cus with time you can deal with the shock, pain and despair. With time, you can heal, take back your life and learn to move on. With time, you can kick the rocks out of the way as you walk down a path that leads you to you.

Welcome to the group, btw. I wish you the best as you go through this. Be patient, take care of yourself and make sure, no matter how hard, you tend to the little things for you.

((cwalla))

I was just telling someone else in a pm that I avoided the Monterey Peninsula for five years because of my ex who was living there. Last year, I took it back and I will never give it up. I have run into him a few times and he is the one who runs away. A small thing, but it sure feels good.

Lynne

I'm where you are cwalla, and it's really really hard.

I was out with 3 friends tonight & had to blink back tears the whole night because everything reminded me of my husband. I just wanted to go back home & cry in bed.

I have to keep reading things that tell me this gets easier with time, because right now my heart doesn't believe it even though my head knows it's true.

we

I have a different way of looking at that then most I think. I took my ex to all of my favorite places when we met. The redwoods, Monterey, High Sierras. Those are still my places. They're my sunsets and sunrises. All the things I love to see I would gladly share with someone but I'm not giving them away. They're too important to me to lose over someone who chose to walk out of my life.

That's how I want to feel because I am in the same boat. But I cant shake the feeling over all these things being stolen from me. Thought's of her still overcome that feeling of these things being mine.

It's taken 3 years for me to get over some of the things. It's a funny thing, and I don't know how to describe it, but things feel more MINE now....than they ever have before in my life.

A lot of it is just facing the pain and doing or listening to My Things alone. In the end, it's My Life.....and mine to make of what I want to......

hugs to you all.Sometimes, I couldnt stand to watch even commericals,they would remind me of him and us being a family.At seems really cruel at this time of year, that the things we treasure the most is what is sold on tv and stores as ideal(family together for the holidays).

its been awhile now since mine left me, so im kinda past some of that stuff, but the one thing that still gets to me from time to time is when i find out that she is out doing the same EXACT little things WE used to do together, specific things like watching "our" old favorite movies or listening to "our" favorite music with whatever "idiot" she is currently sleeping with. so much for any of that stuff we did being unique or sacred. lately when i hear about it im pretty much like "whatever" however i have a little more class, the few people ive dated since then, i do "diffrent" stuff with them :)

I have a hard time, now, around the holidays when I see families doing family things...their traditions or what ours used to be with the kids. I have a hard time seeing people in the malls walking hand in hand or the damn diamond commercials on the tv. Places right now don't seem to bother me.

Time does help. Choosing new things instead (especially at holiday time i think) can help. Also sometimes after over a year, or however long it takes you, just choosing to face the trigger head on and tackle it works.

Sometimes you have to take it in little bits and pieces...maybe you can't listen to songs the two of you really liked, or songs just your spouse/SO liked, but maybe you can listen to new songs that are recently out, or things he/she didn't like, but you always have.

Whatever makes it easier to get through each day. When you are ready to face the triggers, you will. Not a moment sooner. Take it easy on yourself.

I continue to read this thread for new replies because it really helps to hear both from others who are going through a similar thing now, and those who were there before & are farther down the road of healing & moving on.

It gives me hope to know that things really WILL feel better, that life WILL feel worth living again.

grace63...I can only speak for myself. But it does get better in a sense and doesn't in other ways. I think when you come to the art of acceptance and "what will be", you will be fine. Not saying you like it but like the old saying goes "it is what it is" has to be followed. That being said, I constantly think of what would have been and my family being torn apart, and I am about 2 years into all this.

To Grace and llmt,

I'm at the point of grieving where it's not all consuming and I have now become cognizant that I need to have my goals and a firm plan in place for the future. I have spent the better part of 15 months grieving and I don't want to go through this process in vain. I need to come out with a better person and a plan....and that right now is my biggest challenge. I also thing that where many people make their mistake.....not preparing to come out of this with a plan....because someday ....so I have been told (wink) You do come out of the fog.