That's actually a really interesting question and I never thought about it quite like that.

I think the answer lies in your emotions.

If it's love and compassion your missing the person.

If it's fear and resentment your missing the relationship.

I'm really interested on other takes on this...

Hmm, should have said mainly one or the other, because it's probably not as clear-cut, not black & white, but shades of gray.

Still an interesting bit of introspection and now that I think back I probably flip-flopped between the two when I was dumped.

In any case examining it at that level can give us clues on what we need to work on to help heal and move forward.

You know the difference. I think the distinction comes from seperating the two in your mind because you are missing someone who is no longer there and you are missing all the things that came along because the person was in your life. So what do you miss about the person and what do you miss from having a relationship with someone.

I know, a long time ago, someone posted here "What do you miss most about your ex"

I had given it serious thought...what did I miss?

And I came to the conclusion...nothing. He was not emotionally supportive, used to "time" me if I was venting about work...he never took time to just go out with me and our son...he was always playing softball four nights a week, hanging at his buddy's, etc. He would bitch about how our house wasn't as big as others or how our cars weren't as new...

I think I missed what I WISH we had been. I missed, maybe, what I had hoped a marriage should have been.

However, when we got divorced, I ended up getting more "breaks" as a Mm, because the court told him he had to take our son...and I know while I was married, I felt very lonely and very much like a single mom.

I can honestly say...I don't think I missed him as a person or the marriage.

When I hear people say they miss the body in bed next to them or someone to cuddle up with or just having company--I automatically feel they don't miss the person but miss having a relationship.

When I hear people say they miss XX because of his sense of humor, or the way XX looked at things that happened, etc. --I automatically feel they miss that individual person.

The idea of missing the relationship is funny because it ended. The idea of missing the person is funnier because something was missing for it to end.
how about I miss them both periodically. It's ironic something which brought such joy brings about such pain...NEXT!

Mine goes hand and hand. When I think of how much I miss her it is the sharing of experiences. I would bounce my thoughts on life in general by her. I valued and still do her opinion and want to hear her thoughts about what we experience in this world. I miss her and the relationship, as imperfect as it always was I feel like it had so many real and terrific moments. I am not looking forward to the years to come without her.