Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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26yearsgone 12/17/2015

With the holidays upon us, I have started to reflect upon the last 14 months since he walked away from our 26 year marriage. I am grateful that I have moved beyond the first few months of hell. I am slowly moving forward however there is still residual pain that exists. I am celebrating my second birthday and Christmas without him and without an intact family. I have come to realize that the dysfunctional childhood that he was raised in had more of an impact on him than I ever realized. The alcoholism, abuse and suicide of two siblings left it's mark on him. When I met him he had already walked away from his first marriage and abandoned his son so the red flags were already there. At the end he said that he didn't feel loved. I have come to realize that he was left feeling scarred and unloved because of his childhood and that he will continue to feel unloved until he learns to love himself. I mention this because someone else posted a comment about their runaway spouse's difficult childhood and I wondered if this resonates with anyone else. Although I could have done more, I'm gaining some peace from the fact that there was likely little I could have done to prevent this marriage breakdown. The lesson for me is that stable marriages are more likely to occur between people who have come from stable childhoods. Just my thoughts... Wishing everyone peace and wonderful new beginnings in 2016.

roxyg0789 12/17/2015

I feel like I relate to your story a lot only we were not married yet...we were 6 months away from it. We had been together for 7 years and just ended it a couple of days ago. He comes from a broken family where his mom left him at a young age only to come back when he was a teen. His parents never remarried but I feel as if he still carries that resentment and he is not happy with himself and not sure he ever will be. After 7 years he wasn't ready to commit to marriage so I'm not sure he will ever be ready. I come from a broken home as well but I think I am perfectly fine and don't let that hold me back. Prayers going your way, keep your chin up!

LostNFound3 12/17/2015

I would agree that damaged people may foster damaged relationships. I'd amend your lesson slightly, though. Stable marriages come from two people willing to be honest in self-examination and to acknowledge and work on overcoming past damage. Committing to growth and self-improvement is important for any individual, and will have a major impact on the quality of their relationships, marriage and otherwise.

Stable marriages also come from two people who are both willing to work on, and nurture, their relationship.

hopebox 12/17/2015

Im so sorry for your 25-year marriage breakup. Dysfunction in our family of origin is just one of the possibilities of a broken marriage. As someone else said, two people can build a strong future and find contentment and happiness together, but they both must be willing to work together and do whatever is necessary to make that happen. Im sure you did everything you could to make your marriage, not only survive, but thrive.

You mentioned you dont have much family support. Are there friends, co-workers or neighbors that you can turn to? The holidays can be a very difficult time when you've sustained a major loss and I can only imagine how you must feel. I hope you can find even one small reason to be happy during this season -- if it means just knowing that there are people in your life who care about you and wish you well.

You are here for a purpose. Im praying that you will continue to find the strength to move on from this loss, and that you will always feel confident that you are valuable in Gods eyes and worthy to be loved. :-)

yougospam 12/17/2015

Oh my gosh, your post was like reading my life. different players, different happenings but still my story regarding my ex. I will always love my ex and I know he was/is scarred from his childhood. Mine walked away from his family years before we got together and then walked away from me after 7 years of marriage. I saw the red flags, I thought I knew his history and reasons for his first divorce (he blamed and still blames his ex) I honestly thought WE would be different, I was wrong. Once a runner, always a runner, until they figure out their issues. Thank you for posting, I was feeling a bit blue tonight and you gave me some comfort. I know I did everything to show him he was loved and adored by me but it wasn't enough. We talked about his childhood and the impact of that on him but he won't do anything about it. I know he loves me, misses me but it's to hard for him to feel worthy of that and the guilt of making me so sad took it's toll, on both of us. I wish he would of fought for us but he didn't. It really is heartbreaking but it's up to them now. They made their choice and it wasn't us.
Here's to us and a new year. Life is good, we need to embrace it and move towards our new one, hard as it is some days!!!!!

26yearsgone 12/19/2015

yougospam: I'm glad that I was able to help you a little. I have been trying to gain a level of peace myself by trying to figure out the 'whys' of my marriage breakdown. In retrospect, I remember that he was always seeking approval from others in order to validate himself. It got worse after we became parents and some of my attention was diverted away from him. In the end, he went online dating and found an OW before he moved out of our home. That tells me that he is afraid of being alone and possibly afraid of facing himself. I'm not sure that he can have a successful relationship for long if he is putting such pressure on his partner to make him happy. At some point we just have to choose to move on. I refuse to be bitter or to let him and his issues stop me from living my life even though he has stopped me in my tracks for awhile. I have made a lot of progress in the last 14 months and I'm hoping that I can continue to move forward in 2016. All my best.

amazinggrace15 12/27/2015

I have been reflecting too on my 31 year marriage and the 5 years before we were married. I know now that I could not fix him or our marriage, though Lord knows I tried. I have come to understand though counseling which I cntinued on my own with our marriage counselor, that he is a runner. I really thought he was going to deal with his childhood issues, but he decided to run back to the mother of his 44 year old son who sent him a guilt letter last year, he said it started out being about the son and then it wasn't. I asked him to leave as he was trying to be in touch with her and still be with me. That was Jan of 2015. My final divorce hearing is tomorrow and I find that I am feeling sad even though I had a great Christmas with all my family without him. I guess part of me will always love him.

Aries1958 12/27/2015

Agree that stable marriages are more likely in the childhoods of individuals that grow up in stable households. Nothing you would have said or done differently would had made your husband feel loved. Unfortunately, he may feel the way he does until eternal peace.

jazul 12/28/2015

Wow 26Years. Your story resonates with mine. My husband was so scarred from his childhood. His father committed suicide on Christmas eve in my husband's grandparents home (paternal).

My husband was 9 years old. His mother wouldn't let the children talk about the death of their father. No counseling or support for the kids. Then she sent her boys (including my husband) to boarding school. Sometimes he would stay at the boarding school during Christmas because the Mom wouldn't send for him.

I also love him and miss him. I did what I could to love him and although he was loving and caring he was also suffering in ways that affected me.

When I found out he was taking meth, I was shocked. With time I am seeing that I had no choice but to let him go. I miss him. I love him. And I also love my life and value it too much than to be with someone who was sinking me with his ship.

Wishing you as well peace and wonderful new beginnings! Thank you for sharing so courageously.

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