Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I guess people are just different. I never was able to be with a different guy until the one i had feelings for was out of the ol system. my ex was kinda shallow so he could lay with women no matter what his situation.
Ywo months ago he met a girl with "a flawless body" and theyve been together ever since.
He fell for her quick ( no doubt primarily sexual reasons). As far as her, she was telling him within the first WEEK that she was in love and he was everything to her.
Am I crazy or is that a red flag? Maybe love at first sight does happen but how the hell can someone be everything you want in one week when you had a week to know who they are???
Im moving on but my human nature (this is wrong) would take a level of pleasure in seeing their new seemingly great relationship hit the shitter!!
Maybe thats why Im telling myself that something is whack about this 38 yr old woman who sees this man as everything when all you see in the beginning is the "honeymoon phase".
Only time will tell but he has called me and texted on more than one occasion...not because he truly loves me more like he wants the lines open in case it didnt work out.
I know his character though, so Im working on accepting that he wanted her so that the "lines" remain closed and so that if they work, I can be glad he's happy and if they dont, I wont even know cuz I'll be a memory for him!!!
Any thoughts on the red flag theory?
Ywo months ago he met a girl with "a flawless body" and theyve been together ever since.
He fell for her quick ( no doubt primarily sexual reasons). As far as her, she was telling him within the first WEEK that she was in love and he was everything to her.
Am I crazy or is that a red flag? Maybe love at first sight does happen but how the hell can someone be everything you want in one week when you had a week to know who they are???
Im moving on but my human nature (this is wrong) would take a level of pleasure in seeing their new seemingly great relationship hit the shitter!!
Maybe thats why Im telling myself that something is whack about this 38 yr old woman who sees this man as everything when all you see in the beginning is the "honeymoon phase".
Only time will tell but he has called me and texted on more than one occasion...not because he truly loves me more like he wants the lines open in case it didnt work out.
I know his character though, so Im working on accepting that he wanted her so that the "lines" remain closed and so that if they work, I can be glad he's happy and if they dont, I wont even know cuz I'll be a memory for him!!!
Any thoughts on the red flag theory?
I will say that many people that jump in to relationships, or think that the connection/love they feel for someone so quickly is based sex of physical attraction, then the base that holds a relationship is not there. I think you can meet someone and there are those ah' moment where the two of you click, say or think the same thing at the same times, etc. but in order to know if it is truly a connection for a life time, you need more then immediate infatuation, physical attraction or one weekend together to know for sure.
just my humble and naive thoughts
"2nd choice." My answer. Still stands.
Why be concerned with the "red flags" of his new venture?
It's about you now. And you deserve to be 1st.
It's hard to break free from how someone made you Feel though. Even if you know that their character isn't all that it should be.
Hugs.
I was stuck a long time on an x fiance. He dumped me and married one of our friends. 17 years latter when they started having children he looked me up. Basically he was hoping we could have an affair. Funny thing about time. I wasn't interested but I kept the communication open.
He cheated on his pregnant wife and fed me all the details of his guilt. Hmm. There for the grace of God go I. So glad he dumped me. So glad I did not have the experience his wife had. Now he wants me to cheat with him on his girlfriend. In his dreams! That will never happen. Obviously I 'm closing the communication down more.
I married someone else and again I would not give up on him either. Ok after 14 years of doing my best it finally hit the point of deal breaker. Hard lesson to know when to quit trying. Following through is torture but beating a dead horse is worse. Call it what it is. If it is dead quit trying to color it as savable.
Now single again my mind still works the same way. My ego rules me. I want what I want when I want with who I want and will not waste my time on anyone else. It is hard to date when fixated on one person who ISN"T really there for you. Character flaw? Perhaps. It is who we are huh? Hopefully it can be healed.
The questions we must ask ourselves are:
Is our love life issues allowing us to expand or contract? The goal of course is to expand in love and growth.
Are we being kind and loving to ourselves or are we looking for a missing link externally? The wizard never helped Dorothy in OZ everything we need must come from within..... then the relationships being sought will be drawn to us. Let go of the outcome of who we think we want. Something better may be around the corner but it will go unnoticed if we keep our vision on WHAT ISN"T.
Can people fall in love quickly? Absolutely. Every long term relationship I have ever been in have been love at first sight. Sure it is lust in the beginning but there is also an energy connection.
I wish you and I would both release what doesn't work and create space for something that will.