Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Story is complicated. Together 5 years married 3 2yo daughter. We bought a house 1 1/2 years ago, we have been through a lifetime together already. We have been in and out of love through the relationship but I always thought I could trust her and that no matter what we would be ok. She started a new job, started staying out late and after telling me she wasnt coming home at 4am, I told her I would leave if she didnt. I was pissed! She took a uber home and we fought. I told her all I wanted was for her to love me and to want to be with me, she said she didnt know if she could. I told her I needed to know now and she said no. We agreed to get a divorce. Part of me wants to make it work but part of me knows she is seeing someone. Neither of us can afford to move out or have anyone to stay with. She is still going out and we are taking turns sleeping on the couch. This seems atleast from the outside to be soo easy for her. I hate how im feeling, dead inside, anxious, depressed, scared of the future and like Im losing everything. I would never kill myself, Id prefer to tell god I stuck it out than be told something better was waiting for me. I am stuck in a place where i have to see her everyday and fake a smile in front of my daughter then fight with my emotions all night. I dont want to save this marrage but I dont know what to do.
Every question you ever had about women and relationships will be answered.
It's time for you to unplug, before you waste your whole life.
As for your different emotions you're going through, it is fairly common to someone going to rough relationship to feel those things. You're not alone and I'm glad you found this site. I think you should focus on yourself and your child rather than what your wife was/is doing, especially if she not really doing anything or indicating she wants to work on your marriage. I'm not sure if you're into reading or audiobook, but I suggest try looking into Getting Past Your Break Up or try finding a Support system or group to be your voice of reason (aside from this posting on this site). There's also Divorce Care maybe closer in your area(if you're not religious and can listen to some God teaching, it's a good place to be.
Don't stay in a marriage if there's no love and/or only for your child. It's worst than divorce because you're not being good example to your child. It basically says, it's okay to be miserable and it's acceptable. I think despite of circumstances, if you can show respect to your wife in front of your child, it shows how a good parent you are.
Hang in there!
take one day at a time, be careful not to explode, cry when you need to and see what comes to you when you let it come gently. Divorce is a mad rush often and people go off half cocked. Your priority is to not lose access to the daughter and that means holding yourself, and always being reasonable.
So play a tight game, okay? and take things one day at a time. and hang on in there. we're here for you.
It sounds like she isn’t sure about her feelings but because you hurried her for an answer she said no. I do think she cares (some level) because she hurried home when you told her you will leave if she doesn’t.
You have a child with her and you both cannot change current living arrangement because of financial issue. How about try work things out with her ? If you both have some level of desire (even little) to keep this relationship alive, both of you should make effort to openly talk about when it all started to go wrong and any possible misunderstanding along the way.
She should not have done what she has done but there should be some reason as to why she did it. Considering the situation both of you are in, you should at least talk about the issue and have patient and not hurry it up for quick fix.
You mentioned about your needs for her love and attention in the relationship but if this means wanting that lovey-dovey, honeymoon like feeling, you may not being realistic. (that goes same with her if that is her reason for her recent behaviour). In long run, relationship should be about contentment, care and consideration for one another not excitement and fun. Both of you of course can make effort to bring in some little fire work every now and then by doing something different together, go to new place and do some new activities to bring in that excitement into the relationship.
You both should ask yourself if divorce is something you both really want and certain there won’t be any regret at the end ?
Saved my marriage! There is some really good advice there!
What is a woman's overall sexual strategy? A woman wants to attract and commit to the highest 'value' man her sexuality can afford her. ( female hypergamy)
The above fact explains why despite being a 'good husband', provider, faithful etc. you are being cheated on. This is how hypergamy things, " Is my husband the best I could do or I settled? Is he the best high value man my sexuality as a woman can attain." (the uncertainty of female hypergamy). https://therationalmale.com/2012/05/16/hypergamy-doesnt-care/
Every woman is hypergamous, in your wife it was triggered by a new job and environment.
There are two sides to female hygergamy : the arousing, fun, sexy, he is so tall and charming " alpha fu*cks" and the, he is kind and nice, reliable, dependable and providing "beta bucks".
Women marry the Beta man mainly for security and provision, he is beneficial and reliable to marry and raise kids with.
But after your wife got a new job, the need for security and provisioning got catered for. Now she could pursue the ' alpha ' side of her hypergamy
She is having sex with a high value man who probably has no intent to marry her, yet alone be in a relationship.
You also failed most of her' shi*t test' over the years.
E.g. When she called you to tell you that she wasn't coming home at 4 am, that was a 'sh*it test'. Whether you realised it or not, you passed the test!
You got pissed and gave her ultimatum. At 4 am she left the 'other man' and came running to the Alpha, women are attracted to and respond to the Alpha side or traits in a man.
https://therationalmale.com/2012/08/01/flashes-of-alpha/
But you didn't follow through with your 'Alphaness' : you asked her to love and want you : you can't negotiate genuine desire from a woman.
Your problem, “She is still going out and we are taking turns sleeping on the couch."
The answer, “In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least."
". . . .no matter what we would be ok" what! Women can not love a man unconditionally. Women love opportunistically, even your once faithful, innocent wife proves this.
Your pain is coming from a wrong perception and expectation of relationships. You see things not as they really are but as you have being unknowingly conditioned to see them for years. You need to 'unplug from the matrix' , you are still 'blue pill' and you need to take the 'red pill'
You probably believe the myth of the 'soulmate', news flash, there is no such thing.
https://therationalmale.com/2011/08/30/there-is-no-one/
Unplug, there is no other way.
You are going to be okay, stop focusing so much on her its your home as well but do not my dear bug for her love or care you will never receive it. Try to engage yourself into a focus group, change your hair and your look for something new and exciting, do things you never though you could never see yourself doing, recently i started doing yoga and it really helps me you can try little offer-able things like this. watch funny movies and shows keep yourself occupied and write as much as you can that for sure helps. Allowing yourself to hurt is just part of the process you are not expected to be strong during a time like this so be patient with yourself.
Keep well,
Anna
***1.0 out of 5 stars - be wary of how this book and things like it can be written to make you feel and ...
ByBridgeron August 14, 2017
Format: Paperback
Watch out. Anything that mentions the "red pill" school of thought is a dangerous, highly sexist, and flat out unscientific propaganda. Please, for yourself and the women in your life, be wary of how this book and things like it can be written to make you feel and think a certain way.***
I think that review says it all. I'm not sure why, mister imma alpha is pimping this so hard but I think you need to shy away from any material that is clearly self-serving male ego stroking. Just pay attention to the words coming out of Jamess' mouth. Does any of that have a women hating tinge to it?
Relationships are not about power and control. That's the really really stupid crap that egotistical wanna be doms spew to make running roughshod over the people they profess to love okay in their own mind. If that was working so great, do you think he'd be on this board? You're vulnerable right now and he's trying to sell you expensive books that play to your bruised ego by telling you that women love opportunistically. Does that really make the kind of rational sense this book claims to be all bout teaching? You're smart Steveng1, look past all that BS and figure out what the real problem is with your relationship, then fix it or move on. This is the real world and those are your choices.
Austin Dial27 days agoReport abuse
This is an actual propagandist piece of literature designed to stoke feelings of aggression and dominance in men over the females of our society. It's a philosophical torpedo ready to sink youth into the watery depths of sexist ideals. Although I am glad that this literature exists, it shows me that many people are basically evil, a short step away from tyranny over people they perceive as weak, I'm becoming increasingly away of who these people are and books like these are a great window into their insecure and feeble fear-ridden psyches.
You know you are guilty of cherry picking, he he
The Rational Male by R. Tomassi
5 star ( 75 % )
4 star ( 12 % )
3 star ( 4 % )
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Will on May 29, 2017
If I could give a copy to every man I know I would.
Nikola on April 11, 2017
Inspiring, genius, well written and easy to understand. This should be mandatory cirriculum at schools. It's the kind of gift fathers should pass down to their sons . . . . . .
PS on March 13, 2017
Ouch! There some harsh truths in this book, but I found the author's arguments unassailable. It's too bad I learned these lessons when it was too late for me. I did everything wrong as a young man, that's probably why I am still single to this day. However, if you're still a young guy, or any dude who intends to date, read this book before you ask a woman to even have coffee with you
Gutted, if u have a son and you love him, get him these books.