Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I recently (like a week ago) became separated. My husband had been pulling away and he said he was just unhappy. I got angry cause not but two weeks prior had I said that I was cause he was pulling away. I tried to bring it up so we could work it out and try to fix it. So when he said i lost it, He mentioned counseling and at the time I said no cause we just needed to talk to each other and figure things out. Anyways a few days pass with hardly any contact and he said he needed time. I gave him the time he required and he came to bed and woke me up and said he was sorry and that he wanted to try to fix our marriage and I thought everything was out and that we were going to work on it. I didn't think it would be solved over night but I had hoped he would stop pulling away.
Well two weeks went by and he didn't seem to be trying in anyway to make it better. I tried to talk to him again and he just kept going back to why he choose to "TRY" was because he "cared" about me and that I had no were to go if he choose for us to be over. That is all the conversation was about you have no where to go and I am not going to kick you out. Well the next day I called him on my lunch and gave him the out he wouldn't take I said i would leave for the weekend and he could decide what the heck he wanted. (big mistake on my part but felt like I had no other options). I gave it all that night and the next day and texted him for something and he said he wanted out and that he was a coward for doing it via text and to come over Sunday and he would tell me why. I went over and got all kinds of excuses, that he was unhappy and all the drama and blah blah.
I just don't understand how anyone can throw away 4 years and not try to fix it. I feel like the world is closing in on me and that I have lost everything when I left but it was that or stay and be ignored or go and risk losing everything anyway.
I never wanted to lose my husband or my relationship. I made vows and had every reason to keep them. I am trying to figure out why? He seems to be just fine and ready for it to be over as quickly as possible and I haven't had the opportunity to wrap my brain around any of this. I have a son from a previous relationship and am trying to be strong for him cause he loved my husband and thought of him as his dad since his real dad isn't in the picture at all. But I find my self just being a wreck and having panic attacks and just screaming that i don't want this. I want my husband and my family back together. There are no support groups locally and 90% of my friends have either never been through divorce or are recently married and have shut me out. I feel sick and lost and just don't want to go through this.
Well two weeks went by and he didn't seem to be trying in anyway to make it better. I tried to talk to him again and he just kept going back to why he choose to "TRY" was because he "cared" about me and that I had no were to go if he choose for us to be over. That is all the conversation was about you have no where to go and I am not going to kick you out. Well the next day I called him on my lunch and gave him the out he wouldn't take I said i would leave for the weekend and he could decide what the heck he wanted. (big mistake on my part but felt like I had no other options). I gave it all that night and the next day and texted him for something and he said he wanted out and that he was a coward for doing it via text and to come over Sunday and he would tell me why. I went over and got all kinds of excuses, that he was unhappy and all the drama and blah blah.
I just don't understand how anyone can throw away 4 years and not try to fix it. I feel like the world is closing in on me and that I have lost everything when I left but it was that or stay and be ignored or go and risk losing everything anyway.
I never wanted to lose my husband or my relationship. I made vows and had every reason to keep them. I am trying to figure out why? He seems to be just fine and ready for it to be over as quickly as possible and I haven't had the opportunity to wrap my brain around any of this. I have a son from a previous relationship and am trying to be strong for him cause he loved my husband and thought of him as his dad since his real dad isn't in the picture at all. But I find my self just being a wreck and having panic attacks and just screaming that i don't want this. I want my husband and my family back together. There are no support groups locally and 90% of my friends have either never been through divorce or are recently married and have shut me out. I feel sick and lost and just don't want to go through this.
I don't have a ton of practical advice for you. I've had some days that are OK, most are difficult. If you find that time machine, can I borrow it? I feel the claustrophobia, I wonder why she wouldn't love a sober me more than an alcoholic me. I never shirked my family or parenting responsibilities, we expressed our love for each other constantly, talked all the time, never fought, nothing makes sense. I don't want to go through this either and can't imagine ever loving somebody ever again because of our compatibility and the intensity of our love.
But, here I am. I learned in AA, it's the one obsessive thought that prevents all other thoughts from entering your brain. I cannot control her decision, and I will never know the answers. That's a crappy position to be in, where nothing makes sense.
I want to tell you that this will get better with time, that's what I've been told. To some extent it has, but in relative terms, it still is pretty bad. Keeping busy helps, if it doesn't remind you of the way things were. Meetup groups may help, but, I'd caution you on a relationship. I tried one, and she turned out to be toxic to me and my recovery and had a drinking problem herself. Often, we "pee in bed to stay warm", only to find out it doesn't feel as good as we thought it would.
I can only encourage you to take things one day at a time, one hour, one minute if necessary. If you can't find support, even professional support, at least try self help. Learning how to push out the bad thoughts and preventing that spiral into negative thinking is a life saver. It may not seem like much, but, you are treading water right now. You can't have anything that weighs you down for fear of drowning. Find your friends, family, anybody who will listen and include you. My friends who are mostly married, are still there for me. Yours should be too if they are your friends.
Let them know you are hurting, and I would gamble that they will be there for you. We all have the capacity to be weak at times, during very difficult times like this. But eventually, you will find strength, if only to lift yourself out of the house for a day and try something for yourself, by yourself. Just do your very best to keep the negative thoughts out however you need to. Negative thinking breeds negative thinking, and it can be tough to pull out of. Try not to go there, and God speed, you are with our thoughts and prayers.
and didn't want to be married anymore. We came to agreements and after 6 months of living apart we started over. So It is possible to step into the other's shoes, so-to-speak to seek understanding. We made a choice to commit to each other. My problems now are related to me having not confided in my husband about my issues with my body. I've been trying to 'fix' myself but never communicated the reasons to him for about 2 years. we've been living in the same house, but in different rooms. More like friends and room mates. Sex is very rare. We've had conversations in the past but I always say " It's not you, it's me". And about 6 months ago gave him permission to have sex with a friend if it came down to that. I've only just figured out that all my issues with myself are normal when one goes through menopause.He's angry and hurt that I did not come to him with my problems. But I only did that because I thought I was being strong. It turns out that but ignoring him and holding in and trying to ignore my feelings that I have been unfair. I have created a conundrum that I can't solve. This week we talked and he said he is seeing someone that he really 'hit it off' with, but says he's not going anywhere. I feel like I can't take the permission back, but told him I don't blame him. I can't apologize enough! We've both been depressed too long and alone in the same house. Hopefully he will figure out what he wants to be happy. I told him that I now recognize all these mistakes and can now take action. We have decided not to sit in the house anymore. I signed up for these support groups to be able to connect with people since I do not have friends here because I've been hiding from the world. The problem now is finding out what common interests we might have. We've been under a cloud(numb) so long that it's hard to think of things to go out and do.