Hi all, 

It's my first time doing this. I recently went through a breakup (about two weeks ago). We had been rocky for about a month. Back in February I found out my boyfriend had cheated on me with a girl I had asked him to stop seeing that he used to hook up with because she had been stalking me, she'd wait around outside his work for him, and she tried having friends add me on social media platforms. When we became official last year he told me he'd respect that and stopped talking to her (or so I thought). Fast forward 6 months in and I honestly felt things were going great, trust was growing, the bond between us was growing, we were having a wonderful time. There were times where it would be uncomfortable because the girl would show up with mutual friends, or she would go workout where he works when I would be there and we would talk about it but drop the subject. Well back in February I was with him for a bit after he got off work and then he told me he was going home and let me know when he got home. As I was driving home, something in my guy was telling me he was lying. I've never done something so crazy.. but I drove to his house and he wasn't there. I called him and he was answering with "I'm in the middle of something" "give me a second" which was weird. So I waited there and he pulled up a few minutes later. Well to my surprise, he had this girl in his truck. I went crazy and started yelling and asking why he was with her. He told me she had waited around for him after work and just asked if they could meet up for a drink because she was stressing out over her work. He had just gotten to the bar (2 minutes away) when I FaceTimed him so he came back home and brought her with him to answer my call. I was so upset and I confronted him and found out he had slept with her 3 times back in November but that he hadn't done anything since then. He let me go through his phone and read all the conversations.

Anyway, I made the wrong choice of staying with him after that happened as he was persistent on trying to get me to talk to him. We decided to work on things but I never really forgave him for what he did to me. This was an issue because I started trying to control him, he would let me go through his phone, I'd ask him about suspicious things and it drove me crazy. A month after this (two weeks ago) we went out and drank a lot, we had a good time, but when we got home I asked him for his phone and he was really drunk he was like take it. I went into my car to charge it because it was dead and he came sprinting down and got very aggressive and tried to take it away. I quickly locked the doors and drove to the end of the street as I felt scared. He sped off 2 minutes later and it took me almost an hour to find him. When I found him he was completely enraged yelling at me that he was done and never wanted to see me again and that he wanted his phone back and he wanted to leave. He was super drunk.. I asked him to calm down and let me take him home or at least get him a ride. But it got out of control, he started yelling all these things at me and he ended up saying to me "you fucked up you fucked this up" and I totally lost it. I was so hurt from him saying that because he had been the one who had fucked up and in that moment I wanted him to hurt the way he had hurt me.. it was a really bad fight, probably the worst fight I've ever had in a relationship. He broke up with me two days later after he asked for some time to cool off. It was super in the air though, because he kept telling me he didn't want to lose me but that he couldn't do this anymore, he didn't want another fight to break out and it get out of hand. He said he loved me but that what had happened was just too much, and he recognized that he had been the one to mess up and that's how we ended up there. He said he'd be there for me, that we could still be friends and I told him I couldn't put myself through that. He still contacted me a couple of times these past two weeks. I have a hard time with my anxiety so when I feel on edge I tend to reply or reach out. I know this relationship wasn't healthy for me at all.. but it just hurts so much because there was real love there. I don't know how to deal with all this pain and I'm just feeling weak that I can't ignore him or block him because I somehow want to try to fix what went wrong. How do I move on and let him go?