Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
This has been a trying week, My dad passed away Monday night, got the word Tuesday morning as I was heading into a meeting at work, could not get out of it, had to work all week, day of the wake I could only take a half day, the took the day of funeral off.... my kids were very upset when they got the news as well, what really bothers me that's I'm not even divorced yet and my stbx could not reach out to me to show any type of support.
not even a text, nothing. so I gave my son some flowers to give to her told her there from papa.. just to make her feel badly, I mean he was her father in law for 23 years.....
so now I'm thinking of her all over again, omg, I really can't handle this feeling... I was doing good. I honestly hate being alone.. waking up alone, eating alone, everything.....
I told my kids I want to see them and extra day which my stbx said fine.
so I see my girls Tuesday, Thursday and every Saturday night they sleep over my house, there all I have, my son comes and goes he's 18 so he's busy..
I'm just really emotional this week, I laugh, cry, just super sad..
I dumped my therapist, she was just not really helping she was more like my grandmother, I think she was more interested in hearing story about work than anything else, I mean I would go in talk and talk and talk, and she would say your doing good.... no I'm not lady, really.....
just don't know what to do anymore, how can my stbx take it all so easy.... I feel like a part of me has died..
not even a text, nothing. so I gave my son some flowers to give to her told her there from papa.. just to make her feel badly, I mean he was her father in law for 23 years.....
so now I'm thinking of her all over again, omg, I really can't handle this feeling... I was doing good. I honestly hate being alone.. waking up alone, eating alone, everything.....
I told my kids I want to see them and extra day which my stbx said fine.
so I see my girls Tuesday, Thursday and every Saturday night they sleep over my house, there all I have, my son comes and goes he's 18 so he's busy..
I'm just really emotional this week, I laugh, cry, just super sad..
I dumped my therapist, she was just not really helping she was more like my grandmother, I think she was more interested in hearing story about work than anything else, I mean I would go in talk and talk and talk, and she would say your doing good.... no I'm not lady, really.....
just don't know what to do anymore, how can my stbx take it all so easy.... I feel like a part of me has died..
i do not know why she did not show up she should have but don't dwell on it
it is easier said than done do what you have been doing to keep sane request or see another therapist that one wasn't right for you
once again sorry for your loss
With divorce it is trully the ripping and tearing of flesh.
Have you tried www.divorcecare.org They are face to face mtgs.
It is great, really helps with divorce grieving and mourning.
It is a little religious but they do not push it. You pray,talk,watch
Video ,talk, eat . Its two hours long it is international group. It
Has saved my sanity i also attend alanon another great group.
And talk to a lot of my supportive friends. I stay away from negative
Or unsupportive people. Who needs them we are in enough pain.
Good for you for ditching your therapist. A good therapist can make all the difference.
Honestly though I would not take it personal that your STBX did not reach out to you. With the exception of your children you two are no longer tied together. Hopefully she reached out to your children to let them know that she was sorry for the loss of their grandfather but I don't think she owes you anything. I have been divorced for a little over a year. I assume my ex in-laws have not passed but if they did I doubt I would even know...and definitely wouldn't reach out to my ex (we don't have children so I do think that makes the situation a little different). Neither would I expect him to reach out to me if/when my parents pass.
We are divorced...no longer tied to each other and his sympathy, opinions and fellings matter to me none.
Sending the flowers to your STBX is a little harsh...but you were emotional due to the loss of your father so it is understandable.
Once again I am sorry for the loss of your dad!
Second, I don't know if your stbx was a cheater, but I do know that many times, cheaters mentally leave the marriage long before the physical leaving. And when they mentally leave, they leave for good.
I also thought my ex would show some type of compassion to me--that's what made my first year of separation so difficult. He never at any time asked if I was okay, if I needed anything--nothing. He left and never looked back.
It is the most difficult thing about divorce--how quickly and "disposable" we are. Nothing you can do about it; you just have to feel the pain and get through it.
Lean on us here.
Hugs!
I read your other posts and your journal and it seems to me that your ex is only thinking of herself and putting your kids in the middle, which is horrible for them.
I am sorry she didn't show up, but after reading the other stuff she is doing to you, I would have been shocked if she did show up. She does not have the kids or your best interest in mind.
No contact means no contact unless it is about the kids. It is so childish, and putting them right in the middle, to call the kids and want them to give you a message about dropping them home, or not dropping them home. She has to be late, or not home when you drop the kids off on purpose, if it is every time.
She is also wanting the kids. Your kids really need you right now too be the roll model and be there for them. I'm glad you want a good lawyer that can possibly help you.
I hope you will think about what all she is doing to you and your kids, and start feeling angry instead of sad and putting up a good fight to get your kids a little more often than she wants you to have them as they truly need you right now. Be careful about what you do around the kids, it sounds like she has them reporting to her.
I do want to add that I agree with the others that have said, do not badmouth your ex to your kids.
I wish you the best of luck
i really can't deal with this anymore, I thought I hit rock bottom when dad died last week now this....
I don't know what to say or do.......
we had it all, the perfect life.... had everything a family would want.
i don't get it.......
Www.breakuprecoveryguide.com
Give it a read, There's some great advice there on healing.
Good luck
I agree with kbbcoop77...this is a rough road. I'm in the middle of it myself. Married 18 years (together for 20), 2 kids, perfect life, awesome family, great partners, very compatible, best friends, intimacy (at least I thought), financially secure, good times together and with the kids...then BOOM! It will be 8 months since BOOM, but she is moving out in January and we are telling the kids last week in Dec. I go through so many ups and downs. I'll go from feeling strong and confident about what is happening to extreme lows about how my life and my kids' lives are going to change and the loss of future dreams and expectations. Just when I think I've got it figured out, I find that she's been seeing another married man for probably about a year. OK...we can work through this...then I find she's been taking birth control pills. OK...I need to stop fighting and bashing my head against the wall. Despite the continual hurt, there is a part of me that still loves this person, in love with this person; but coming to terms that it is over and I need to heal.
I read something on another site that helped me sort of put this into perspective. I tried to separate the personalities of this one person into two people. The person that I know now is not the same person I remember marrying. I can be angry with this new person and realize that this person is probably someone I would not go on a 2nd date with. I can enjoy the memories with the "other" person but this current person now does not share the same values that I have and I really don't want to be with her anymore. Easier said than done, but it does help me sometimes to think like this.
I know I'm rambling here (helping myself by writing this) but I believe we will get through this. This situation just seems to happen. Read posts on this site and others...it happens over and over and over again. It sucks, it's the worst, and it feels like hell! I'm concentrating on being the best father that I can to my kids...I try not to worry about my sbtx anymore; she is not my responsibility anymore, not worthy of my support nor deserves it. We are always going to have a connection because of the kids, but it's my time now, I need to heal and feel better about myself. You will too! I know it is going to take time and time can move awfully slow (I sometimes wish I had a fast forward button) but I think we are going to be surprised to see where we are a year from now.
Good luck!!!
I was doing okay with the separation/divorce until I discovered what she had been doing. I would never have guessed my wife of 17 years was capable of doing what she was doing. It was extremely difficult to reconcile the person now with who I married. I like whatthe321's suggestion of splitting the two. I kinda did the same thing by continually telling myself the person I knew and cared for was dead and never coming back. It sounds a bit twisted, but helped me to get over some of the rough spots.