Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have been feeling really depressed lately about being alone, about him choosing other women over me, even knowing I would never want him back. Just missing the complete family package. I guess thinking to much about him, focusing on him. But last night while exercising I was thinking, and I pushed aside the oh I miss what I hoped he could be, why couldnt he just want me. I gave myself a good look at him and realized that I should not be focusing on him, why cant I see who he is, even beyond the women, he is not a good man. Each girlfriend before me did not stay long, I know one that ended up hating him. I thought he never was with someone for long there is a reason for this and made myself really, really think about this. I stayed with him way, way to long because of my own insecurities of not wanting to be alone , and he would go on about he loves me and will do anything I want. I am sure some of you have been there. He was, and is a nasty man once you get to know him, he does eventually show his true colors. So each of the women will eventually get sick of him and leave him. Why does this matter to me? Because I still dont want him to have any happiness because of all the heartache he caused me. So I am trying to concentrate on these thoughts that he could not ever sustain a relationship. It was not me, I could not do anything to make him change he is who he is, and why would I want someone like that in my life, as anything but the childrens father, and really he is not much of that. He is flying away to see one of his girlfriends for Christmas, he is not even going to see his kids. Probably will not even call them actually I am sure of it. I am going to try to enjoy this good feeling I have now, I know sometimes the moments dont last long. For now I will focus on he is a piece of garbage and I would rather be alone. I need to keep these thoughts.
I know this is long, but thanks for letting me vent.
I know this is long, but thanks for letting me vent.
The fact that so many people have left him, indicates that he's not as happy as he appears on the outside....kind of hollow?? But you tell me....
Thanks a lot
Does that make any sense? In other words, he sounds like a total train wreck. A drowning person will drown whoever tries to save them.....that's what he sounds like.
Let him go. If someone else's love could have fixed whatever is wrong inside of him.....it would have happened by now. The truth is that it's up to him to either do it himself, or not. Free Will. We can spend our whole life miserable if we choose.
You sound strong. I haven't met anyone that dealt with someone like that who didn't learn to be. Turn that strength onto yourself. YOU'RE more than worth it. You ARE.
Hugs,
Patti
I understand much of your post. I was in a similar situation with similar feelings. Pining for what he COULD be--that is what I was in love with and held out for far too many years. Eventually I woke to the reality that he is what he is and I have choices here.
As I focussed on me and my healing, I thought of him less and less and quite frankly cared less and less what he was up to. Now I am grateful that he is someone else's problem and no longer mine!
For a long time there was a part of me waiting for the time when she would also wake up and cast him out--there was a sense of retribution when I thought of that. Somehow that would demonstrate that I was not the problem--he is.
Again, as I focussed on me--even those feelings left. Now I am just so happy to no longer be part of all that insanity or garbage as Lily has called it.
Good luck--if you keep working at it, you will also heal in your own time in your own way.