Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
This breakup keeps getting harder each day. The more I think about it, the more I realize all of my faults. And the more I want him back..
Today I came to the conclusion that I was emotionally immature during our entire relationship. Even for the past month (post-breakup) it was worse, which further proved his reason for breaking up with me. Time gives perspective but I really wish I had known this all along.
Why are these lessons always learned the hard way? I'm glad I'm being so self reflective so soon but it's killing me inside. Do you think after a few months of solving my issues, it will be wise to meet up with my ex and show him I've matured? Or should I send a simple email to let him know that I'm working on things & that I'd like to catch up in a month? I feel like staying in No Contact will close the door forever because he will always think of me as the person I was, not the person I'm becoming.
When we broke up, he initially said there may be a chance in the future but he needs to figure out his life and I need to figure out my issues. I let the emotion take over and kept pushing him until I realized what I was doing and decided to go No Contact. I'm afraid I pushed him away for good. Aside from my emotional immaturity and his poor communication, we had a great relationship. We are very compatible.
Today I came to the conclusion that I was emotionally immature during our entire relationship. Even for the past month (post-breakup) it was worse, which further proved his reason for breaking up with me. Time gives perspective but I really wish I had known this all along.
Why are these lessons always learned the hard way? I'm glad I'm being so self reflective so soon but it's killing me inside. Do you think after a few months of solving my issues, it will be wise to meet up with my ex and show him I've matured? Or should I send a simple email to let him know that I'm working on things & that I'd like to catch up in a month? I feel like staying in No Contact will close the door forever because he will always think of me as the person I was, not the person I'm becoming.
When we broke up, he initially said there may be a chance in the future but he needs to figure out his life and I need to figure out my issues. I let the emotion take over and kept pushing him until I realized what I was doing and decided to go No Contact. I'm afraid I pushed him away for good. Aside from my emotional immaturity and his poor communication, we had a great relationship. We are very compatible.
but for one, he has made his decision, and even though you say "he said there may be a chance in the future but he needs to figure out his life and i need to figure out my issues," holding on to the "there may be a chance" is going to drive you crazy. it is. and i am sorry, but often people who end the relationship are trying to cushion the blow by telling us, "maybe some day down the line" because they think that is a nicer thing to say. you can't know that, and maybe he doesnt know either, but what you do know is that he wants to go another path now, and if you truly care about him that is the best thing to let him do.
grieving the end of a relationship is like grieving a death or any other loss, there are stages we all go through. bargaining and denial are 2 of them, and all of us have been there, it is normal not to want to let go or to believe it is ended. however, even if you were to have another chance in the future, the only way to truly have a happy future, either alone, with someone new, or with him, is to accept that what you had has ended, and focus on yourself now. rebuilding yourself into the best you that you can be. not "for him," but for YOU. you deserve to be a happy, healthy, whole person. your paths may or may not converge in the future, i have seen it go both ways. but if you hold onto the hope of "oh maybe someday" and "oh maybe i can do xyz and show him and it will change his mind" it will make you crazy and less fulfilled. No contact is good, give it time because it does help if you give it time.
allow him to follow his own path, and you follow yours.
No contact is good. Part of me wants to contact him as I have these realizations but then I remind myself that I can save that for the future when I'm healed and ready to forgive him. I'm sure he appreciates the space and I hope that makes up for the way I initially handled the break up.