Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So I have been seperated for a little over a year and divorced since Oct. My ex husband is on his 3rd serious girlfriend, each more serious than the last and I have had nothing but failures and assholes who just want to use me for sex. I recently met someone who I thought was different he was very adament about being friends before any relationship and we texted non stop everyday for 3 wks straight and talked on the phone for hours at a time at night. We were so similar it was just crazy. We planned a date and had an amazing time, except that we got pretty drunk and ended up having sex and sleeping together. The next morning felt like we were in a relationship and both of us made various comments about that. 5 days later he was out for St. Patricks day and got to talking to his ex (broken up for 7 mos) and she told him she wanted to get back with him. So thats what he did. He then blamed me for having feelings for him too fast. We faught a little via text and now we dont talk anymore. I thought my string of losers was up and that my skewed view of men was finally going to be proven wrong but it was proved more right than ever and in the worse way. I dont know if I am just horrible at relationships or if I am just a doormat that is easily stepped on and taken advantage of, bc I try my best to be a good person. Either way I cant believe he chose her. This was worse than a one night stand bc we shared much of our souls through conversation before everything fell apart. I did care for him, I guess he didnt for me though. Im tired of even trying, where do I sign up to be the crazy single lady with nothing but pets who love her?
It sounds like both you and your ex are just trying to fill up holes by rushing into relationship after relationship. I would advise you to take a break to be alone, do some soul-searching and some self-betterment. Once you get to the point where you feel comfortable with yourself alone and don't need someone else to complete you you'll be able to go out and find a quality person who's not out to just use you for sex.
My divorce was finalized about the same time as you and I'm nowhere even close to going out and looking for someone else. I'd just be bringing crap from my previous marriage into a new relationship.
You'll be OK. It's OK to be alone for awhile. It's not going to make you a failure and you're not in a competition with your ex. (My ex is already living with someone else, it hurts but she's probably going to crash and burn while I become a better person and find someone real)
As for the new guy, you may not want see it now; you dodged a bullet. His reaction to this shows that he wasn't healthy relationship material.
You'll find someone new that's right for you. Give it time. I'll be praying for you in the meantime.
Reboundunwound.....I hope you're feeling a little better after so many replies. He definitely was not worth it at all. You can do so much better. He's not in a very healthy place in life and will only continue to drag others down. You're lucky he's gone.
I finally realized after my divorce that I had to change if I didn't want to attract the same emotionally unhealthy relationship I was in. My first step was allowing my heart enough time to heal. I learned that I had to allow myself time to mourn the loss of my twelve-year marriage and to give myself some time to go through my grieving phase. I did the same thing that lostandrejected did. I took time out for me; I exercised, had coffee with a girlfriend, went out of town on the weekends with a girlfriend, grew in my faith, and focused on becoming a better person. The next step I did was I learned to forgive my wasband and myself. It wasn't easy but it was necessary for my healing. I also got clear what I wanted to create with my new life; my career, what I wanted in a partner, a healthy relationship, where I wanted to be in two years, ect. For me, I finally realized if I wanted a healthy loving relationship, I had to be a healthy, whole and loving person inside and out.
Blessings to you and your healing and recovery. You will get through this! You are not alone.
I'm at the point where it's a toss up whether the day is going to be neutral or bad. I know I don't need somebody in my life right now but it's hard after almost 2 decades with someone to abruptly go back to living alone. Couple that with having your self-worth wrecked makes for some pretty weird evenings sitting alone at home.
That's why I decided to focus on doing things that put me first. The better I feel about me the more I'm going to be able to provide to the people in my life. (friends and family not just the somebody I'm going to meet in the future).
I started learning guitar last night. I'm terrible at it. My dogs are worried about me (my pyr kept nosing my elbow and looking at me while my maltese kept trying to steal the pic). It makes me feel great to try something new! I thought I had mentioned these in the forum, but it must have been a private message; but bilateral activities (activities that require you to use both hands) were great when I had anxiety and it has worked wonders for me in the last 24 hours.
I think the self-worth activities are working as well. I feel better than I've felt in years physically so I'm definitely going to keep up the healthy eating and exercise. In the last week I've had 2 women stop ME on the street and initiate conversation by giving me their names. In the mundane parts of the week coffee house, bagel shop, etc. another 1/2 dozen went out of their way to come over flirt with me as well. For those at home keeping score the last time I had this much attention in a given week was NEVER. I'm nowhere near ready to act on it yet but it was a huge boost to my self-worth and shows me that other people are noticing the changes in me.
Spirit2spirit: your use of wasband gave me just enough pause to realize it wasn't a typo and go back to laugh. I'm so happy to hear that you did similar things and came out the other side a better person.
I'm REALLY trying to forgive her for this, but it's VERY hard when she's going out of her way to flaunt the new guy at me. I'm sure it'll get easier as time goes by, every time I see her she seems to be more of a stranger with a familiar face if that makes any sense.
I don't have a long term plan lined up yet, been more in the 'if I can survive this day' mode lately but that's my next step to working through this.