Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Sunshine0916 03/27/2014

My H is a classic addict...he's been diagnosed as bipolar and given medicine...so in his mind, now, he's not a sex addict..he's bipolar.
You know the truth is..this guy is a mess, and I'm done. I can't help him and frankly I don't want too..
I still get so hurt by the stuff he says and it annoys me to know end that I let myself be vulnerable to the nonsense that comes out of his mouth.
He's taken to making fun of me for my schooling choices, I want to be a nurse and I work full time and am the full financial support of our daughter, because he has NO job or life. (He watches TV in his rented room that he can't pay for and is facing eviction from at any moment)...I can only take 1 class at a time because the classes I have to take now are really hard (and I haven't even gotten to the nursing part, I'm still in prereqs), but I'm still doing it, plugging away and trying to keep everything in balance and not horribly I might add!
Not to mention, I'm going thru the emotional strain of ending my marriage!!
Anyway, I think my issue is me, not him. I call him and I'm not sure what I expect when I do, because I know who he is and that he is never going to change and that he blames me, etc....how in the world to I get the point of just not calling that stupid #????? UGH!!

spirit11 03/27/2014

It's hard... I think there will come a point where you will be so done that you wont reach out again. Part of you maybe missing the companionship and when you reach out for that, you realize you arent going to get it and feel crazy for even trying. But that want for the companionship keeps you going back to him. Since you are still married, I see that being able to start dating may not be an option. It looks like you are extremely busy, but do try to take some time to go out with friends who can be great companions when you are feeling lonely and take your mind of your husband. Friends were my life savers when I ended my relationship with my ex three years ago.

I have to commend you on working full time and going to school. I was a single mom too going to college 1-2 classes at a time. It took me 7 years to get my 4 year degree. Keep going, its WORTH it!!!

deleted_user 03/27/2014

I would text my ex looooooooong paragraphs...get back one word answers, or meeting to talk wasn't "possible" with his schedule. He's one of those guys who thinks the company burns to the ground when he isn't there.

I contacted..contacted..so, so much.

Then, one day...and I can't even remember the day, i realized I hadn't. I hadn't contacted him in two days...then a week...then it became more about him contacting me, usually needing a favor.

Four years later, I contact him with business like "Hey, don't forget _________ karate gi", etc. Nothing personal, just business.

I don't recall when I got to that point, but I DO know that, while separated and in limbo...that's when I would text, text, text. Once I decided it was over, I was relieved...and the "need" to text evaporated.

Nowadays, if a relationship doesn't work, I don't contact because I simply don't have the desire to. I can move on and not look back.

You will get to that point...it takes time, and stamina, but you will get there.

milliejay 03/27/2014

Is natural - for some reason we keep doing the calling, texting, etc until we wear ourselves out and finally allow the disappointment to take over and also letting reality sink in. It takes time and there's really no short cut - you'll even have days where you feel like you are getting worst. Crazy how the mind is wired. BTW, reading about why we react the way we do after a loss, breakup, etc, helped me tremendously. In my mind, if we don't understand the things we do we are less equipped to stop doing them - knowing is half the battle. For instance, identify what triggers you to want to call then figure out how can you difuse that urge. Is like training yourself almost. So yes,you are acting very normal but yes, you can make small changes, gradually.

Take care.

deleted_user 03/27/2014

Millie - good pt. I would read lots of stuff, for my own sanity, and that helped a lot.

deleted_user 03/27/2014

Your spouse has a lot of his issues and you don't like them and that's understandable.

But I don't get that you don't seem to want to be alone with you as if you will hurt you more than your husband does. He blames you, he makes fun of you. You don't do that to you. So why can't you be happy being alone with you?

And why would you keep calling him so he can say rotten things to you? He isn't going to get better unless he decides to and gets professional help. That doesn't seem to be happening.

So why are you doing this to you? You are so worthy of dignity and respect and he isn't showing you or your marriage that. NOW YOU show you that. Put rubber bands on your wrist and every time you want to call him, snap the rubber bands so that you stop yourself and don't call him. There is no need to call him.

And you're not done until you stop calling him. You have to like yourself and put yourself first.

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