Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,009 Members

100,360 Posts

0 Online

Dragonflywishes 04/29/2017

Ok...I am the one who wants out of my marriage, I have tried 5 times and gone back 5 times. I am through with the lies, the manipulations, and the blame he thinks I deserve. Today I thought since we had a good talk the other day, that I was thinking I could make things easier by offering up some solution that he had suggested from the other day. And I apparently hit a nerve, which I had no warning about, and I get blasted. He said some nasty things about me and then in the middle of his rant, he begged me to take him back and everything would be fine. I have told him I don't love him anymore, which he asked me to be truthful with him because he says he can only live by the truth now. So when I tell him the truth, he comes back with awful things about me. He is treating me like a toy, if he doesn't liek what I say then he threatens me with cutting me off. I sacrificed for him and the children for 19 years, I constantly told him how great he was and took care of him. It really stinks cause it still feels just like when we were married, I am a hostage in this situation. In the marriage, I was never really given any opportunity to make friends as my husband never wanted to go anywhere or do anything. So I am slowly getting some friends, but he still interferes with that. Then he has a girlfriend that he has to tell me ALL about, I mean every detail. Then when I get a friend, he blasts me on how I am dishonoring the relationship. It is a mess and I don't know how to get out of it. I thank you for letting me rant and rave, I need a place that he isn't aware of to say the things that he couldn't handle. I do believe in being truthful, but I also believe the truth needs to be tempered with grace and heart. Not every truth needs to be told if it will only cause pain and suffereing.

jaynib 04/29/2017

Of course, feel free to vent. Is he willing to go to counseling? It sounds like you both are at least somewhat willing to stay so why not seek the assistance of someone who can assist you both in seeing and communicating more clearly. You've invested this much so why not give it a shot? The girlfriend thing sounds like a double-standard, though he might see it completely differently. How are your kids handling all of this? Praying for you...

Dragonflywishes 04/29/2017

I am the one who won't go to counseling again, we did it about 8 years ago and even the counselor told him to leave me alone and except it was over. He didn't and, at the time, I was still in love with him so he romanced me back. The thing is he is an addict, he doesn't do actual drugs, except marijuana, but the behaviors that follow addiction have not changed. He says he doesn't want any drama, but he is the one who creates it. And yesterday, he exploded and threw things, damaged my car and yelled horrible things at me. Then threatened to cut me off from any support, and take my daughter away. I can't live in an environment of manipulation and emotional blackmail. I just can't...thank you for responding and I appreciate the support.

jaynib 04/30/2017

Well, counseling could be different this time around. For me it took a few tries to find one that really clicked. Even though my ex was the one more in the wrong because of the same things you're talking about - addiction, abuse (of course I had things to work on, too) that counselor found a way to connect with him so he didn't feel like he was getting beat up in there. I agree that it's not okay for him to resort to vandalizing your car or verbally abusing or threatening you. Can I recommend a couple of books - Boundaries and Safe People, both by Dr. Henry Cloud. They sure helped me recognize what was going on and take a stand in a way that wasn't just firing back in anger.

Anonymous112211 04/30/2017

It sounds to me like you know where you need to be. If he worked and you stayed home, you are entitled to alimony. If you both worked and he made much more than you, you are still likely entitled to it (see advice from an attorney, the first call is usually free). If you file, you have the right to seek that. You also have the right to protect the joint assets. Ensure that you are not responsible for any financial misdeeds he may be racking up with his GF. Maybe it is my personal feelings, but I dont think counseling will help you even if you wanted it. So I guess my advice is step back, look at it all and figure out if it is worth staying in the situation any longer. If not protect yourself with legal help.

Join the Conversation