Not sure exactly what you mean,... in relationships? My husband and I were really good to each other would always do things around the house we always thanked each other for the things we did. We always gave each other great presents and was there to help with most things. We were a good team ... that is part of what makes this sudden breakup so hard to understand and so difficult to deal with,.

if we don't look for the good, we are going to miss it. but, those good couples are out there if we look for them.

I'm wondering if you mean something like
"He did the dishes, so I'M going to scrub all of the floors on my hands and knees" sort of thing..
I think that, in the end.. could create resentment too. A bad mood can twist it into
"I scrubbed all of the floors and you ONLY washed the dishes"
If you catch my drift.
There has to be a mutual agreement on equality in order to keep the relationship from potentially going sour, I'd think.

I don't know that I try and "out do" my partner, but I do look for opportunities to do nice things, and I think she does as well.

I was more or less thinking about couples when things go bad and a lot of the times its a tug of war over possessions and money......the same things that were given to each other in love and kindness and I think I had a mental picture of people trying to outdo each other with kindness ....to humor myself.

I see them trying to outdo each other with the kids - like the weekend parent over-buying for the kids and taking them to do fun things every weekend they have them. That's a type of one-upsmanship. It leaves the custodial parent feeling like a wet dish rag - left doing all the mundane, routine, difficult things for the kids while the other parent just swoops in and takes the kids to play. I try to do fun and nice things with my kids all the time, and I'm there for them, whatever they need me for. Their other parent just talks about himself and does what he wants. He's good at manipulating them with money, but they know who to go to when they have a problem, or some joyous news to share - me!

:-). Luckily my husband is good with our daughter. I saw that happen with his other children to the point the oldest child would speak to me and not his own mother. It's sad to see that happen because a family shouldn't be divided that way....family is meant to be a family no matter if the parents decide to divorce or not....but sadly everyone is divided in the process.

The very essence of "outdoing' someone makes it sound competitive and negative. I can see very selfish people tuning it into one upmanship.

However, I see your pt and get what you're saying.

I think life happens. I think every day stuff like work, kids, bills, cleaning, etc happens. Working out schedules, making time, etc. People become wrapped up in all the details and lose sight of their partner. Or, resentment builds and, for whatever reason, the partner feel resentment doesn't communicate it.

It would be a nice change of pace for sure.