Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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wolfandlamb 09/03/2009

I have been divorced for almost 7 years in a 21 year marriage. And now I am married to a great guy. But I was swept away by this guy and married him 6 months after divirce final.

WHy do I keep dreaming about continually fixing my ex?

I heard it takes 1/2 the time you were with a person to get over them, Is that true?

I just wish I could just forget the whole brutal marriage. I guess having adult children with him is kinda a big trigger. You think?

hurtinandhealin2560 09/03/2009

I think if you are still struggling with thoughts of your ex, you really owe it to your new spouse to get some counseling and find some closure.

You didn't sufficiently heal from the first marriage before you got into the second one. Please consider the counseling. If this second spouse is as great as you say, you should do everything you can to make it work.

deleted_user 09/03/2009

Were you involved with this person while you were married?

deleted_user 09/03/2009

ok that doesnt make sense

you've been divorced for 7 yrs but were swept away by this guy six months after the divorce was final

or
you still have feelings after being divorced for 7 yrs

deleted_user 09/03/2009

PTSD keeps memories alive, especially painful ones. It also keeps trauma bonding going. I would highly recommend seeing a therapist who specializes in treating PTSD, especially if they are adept at EMDR.

Your brain needs some help in muddying up some well worn neural pathways that were created during the trauma. It cant be done by sheer will, unfortunately, or I'd have been free long ago!

good luck, let us know how it goes.

wolfandlamb 09/04/2009

Thanks hurt. I have some counseling experience from decades of counseling and agree with your hypothesis. I have another disorder that was triggered when I was put on an antidepressant . I was not I repeat, I was not interested in getting into another relationship or even a marriage. But the unlike behavior took place and fortunately for me, I have the guy that I really needed and wanted.
I am going to seek counseling for those who suggested it. I actually did try to address it before but not as a ptsd level.

As far as being involved with this new guy during marriage, yes but I had moved into my own place and had filed for divorce. I do not agree that I would have handled this that way now, but my disorder caused actions I would definetely not do now. Anotherwords I was dating frequently when I seperated and filed.

You know the feelings I have for my ex is this: I pray for him and his family because they are in total denial over his addiction to meth and since my older son still lives with gramma he has now become and alcoholic. So I pray almost everyday especially since they are all in the same gramma's house.

deleted_user 09/04/2009

After that long of a relationship, I think it's more than natural to pray for these people that were a big part of your life. Though, closing the chapter so you can devote yourself fully to your current spouse would be the right thing to do.

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