Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Spikkels
Spikkels

It's been almost 3 weeks now. I am still having some trouble in just forgetting. Thus it creates a rollercoaster of emotions for me. One minute I will feel "one day I will find someone that will make evry effort in fighting for and keeping me just as I do for them" and the next I feel like I miss my ex and how am I going to find someone who beats him. I hate this feeling because he left without even properly explaining why. Yes I know his parents told him they don't approve of me, the reason of which is still unknown.


I struggle understanding bacause before he left me he still said "I'm here to stay", couple of hours later bam he just says he can't do this anymore, over text. Blocks me and anyone associated with me on EVERY social media platform. Moving to a different language of instruction group on our campus, all so that he can just avoid me. I feel disappointed because I thought he would always be there and never hurt me, I thought he was and adult but this behaviour has just shown me the contrary. It feels like I'm stuck in the bargaining phase of the grieving process wondering things like maybe he left because he wanted to protect me. But I also don't completely believe that, because a couple of days after we break up he sends a message stating that I always forced him to stand up against everyone and he was always sad and stressed because of that...I mean really? He always came to me with his problems and afterwards thanking me for the advice. He always laughed around me and always smiled...so that was just unfair, untrue and a real low blow.


I hate still missing him because he hurt me and I can't understand why I can't just feel like I hate him instead. Anger feels like its easier to process than pain and sadness.

Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
Hugs my friend. What I am going to say will sound cold and calculating. But here it goes. You are lucky, so very lucky that he walked out. Let him go. It will take time to get over this but take all the time you need. Just imagine if you did marry him, think of what your life would be like. A living hell. I know what I am talking about. My ex was the same. I couldnot do anything without his mother's "approval". Yep, she even came along to pick out our appliances, furniture and anything that we needed for the house. My son got so angry one day, that him and his fiance went out and picked the paint colours I wanted. I could go on and on just to show you these narcissistic egomaniac can do. They can and will drain your self esteem to the point that you do not know who you are anymore. I lasted 25 years. Please be gentle with yourself. Go out with girlfriends, treat yourself to a nice day at the spa. Cry all you want. But you will be fine and in fact better than fine. You will be stronger and more self reliant. Hugs and we are here for you.
jojored
jojored
"I always forced him to stand up against everyone and he was always sad and stressed because of that" To me, this statement seems at the heart of the breakup, if I'm remembering your past posts correctly. He couldn't detach from his parents, you encouraged him to do so (I'm sure gently) but he's so overly-connected to him that it caused all kinds of internal turmoil for him.

This is his problem. But, he sugarcoated it and twisted it by saying he was protecting you?

I'd get mad at this last bit. Mad is good, mad can trigger positive action.

Like Atpeacemary said, it's for the best for you to be away from this "boy". He's not a man yet, and doesn't seem to have the capacity to become one. My ex also has no backbone, and he's 55. Blech.
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
I forgot one little, teensy, weensy detail. My ex went to live with his mommy after the house was sold. Went back to being under her total control. His mother kicked him out after 9 years. She could not take it any more.
Spikkels
Spikkels
Thank you Atpeacemary and Jojored, I really appreciate the comments. It actually does help to hear these things from someone who was more or less in the same situation and it really does help me to process through the feelings I go through because it can make me think about what could've happened if we'd ever gotten married. I always thought the continual fighting would lead to a success story...but listening to this it does make it a little bit better in thinking what could've gone wrong at a later stage. Really thank you.

Yes he couldn't detach from them...and I was truly gentle in my way of handling the situation. And really thank you it does seem that it did create inner problems in him and he just blamed it on me.
He usually would say he's protecting me if it was in relation to his parents, he would keep stuff away from me, things they were doing to sabotage our relationship, and I'd later find out and he would say he was only trying to protect me from them by not telling me. He even said that he didn't want me to have any relationship with them. I do agree it is his problem and he just turned around and tried to make it my problem.

It just is apparent that he also will never get a backbone and will continue to live his sad caged in lifestyle, and just because it's his choice to stay there.

It's really nice to have this support as well. Thank you
growthhurts
growthhurts
I'm sorry you are hurting. Even with good relationships there can be obstacles and having someones parents not approve, that can be really rough. Take extra care of yourself, spend time with those who love you. You are a good person and they are missing out on knowing you.
Spikkels
Spikkels
Thank you gowthhurts, I really appreciate your comment. I really appreciate it, I will definitely do so. Really thank you.
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