I completely understand and get you. I have dreams all the time about my ex husband and I can't stand it! I don't want to be with either and could never forgive for what he has put me through in the last year. I wonder if maybe we have spent so much time living our lives a certain way, that the damage that his been done makes us think of it so much I too hope this goes away soon. Good for you for dating and getting out there, I too want to start but haven't really found anyone worth it to me. I guess my time will come.

I'm nowhere near ready to date yet but I share some of your feelings. I feel sometimes I push people away. It's hard listing to people say they understand when they really don't. Until it happens to them...I don't think they really no the pain and heartache we all go thru. It's really draining on the body mentally and physically. It's easy for someone to say just forget it and move on. How do you do that so easily after 22 years together? And dreaming! Man I wish I could just have one night where I don't dream of her.

I think I started dating to soon and maybe that's why I am still struggling?? Good for you to know what you are worth and won't settle for again. That is one of the toughest things to overcome.

To me its not really dreaming you are trying
To detach. Detaching is not an easy process
After a long term marriage. I wish i could have
willed myself to detach.

I do not believe in dating too soon after the
Divorce. Your heart needs to heal and you
Need to detach and move thru all of your
feelings and emotions.

I too had a nasty divorce no children and i
Have gone no contact. I am No where near
ready For dating, i still feel like a married
woman. I need to resolve that among all
my other emotional Issues. HUGS

I too feel that dreaming about ex or stbx is a sign that you're still detaching. I had a few relatively benign dreams in the summer after I filed, then a whopper where he was trying to harm me. That one work me up in the middle of the night, I actually felt pressure on my legs where he was pinning me down. Pretty much the dreams stopped after that. My detachment has been a several years journey, maybe that's why I don't dream of him anymore. And hope to never do so in the future.

I know mine is detaching, he is the only
Character in it. It was worse the first four
Months after the divorce and no contact.
I could not sleep deeply and i tossed and
Turned all night.

I got somewhat better until my F&E got
Stirred up then it would resume. Only my
Ex in my head and no deep sleep. Sometimes
i think my anxiety Levels drive it up a notch too.

Since after new years i have been not having
him in my head during the night. I call that
good news and hopefully almost Detached.

The rollercoaster sometimes fools you though.
It came and found me again but he is still not
in my Head at night.

All of this is because your body is at rest and
Your mind is still processing.

I heard deep meditation can help you walk thru
This if you can get in there. It needs to be for over
20 minutes. I can't seem to settle enough yet. HUGS

How long does it take to start being able to move on? It's been a little over a year now.

In May it will be two years post divorce for
Me. I Have not seen him in 18 months, just
thru the mail.

It usually takes three years to normalize, getting
Back into your groove. Starting to enjoy your
New life and the ex is sort of a distant pain.

People still talk about Missing their family not
being a unit so with children its not so simple.
There is always that connection some can let
Go, some can't all the way.

I hope and pray i am able to be totally free of
My ex and not feel anything good or bad. HUGS

I have been divorced going on 6 years. I have remarried a wonderful man, and am very happy. But, divorced just changes you forever, I think. I still have dreams with ex in them. I can't stand it. We were together 28 years and have 2 adult children. I do NOT miss ex, but I miss our family unit being together. Not wanting to lose my family was the reason I stayed as long as I did. I'm looking forward to a time when my divorce doesn't cross my mind 5 times a day.

It sucks but I think you always will carry a small piece of your ex with you the rest of your life. I was talking to my grandmother, she was only married to my moms dad for only 5 years before he left his family. She always said she hated him. He died a couple of years ago and she said she cried a little when she found out. She still had a very small amount of love for him all these years later. She had 3 kids with him in their short 5 years together but she still thought about him from time to time. She is 86! So I think there will be some amount of pain we will carry the rest of our lives. You can't just erase your past but you don't have to let your past define your future. We can and will move on and be happy again scars and all.