Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi Everyone. Im new here and so glad I found this resource. I left my husband in July. He cheated on me a few years ago but I didnt find out until October 2014. At first I thought we could work on it and I was so in love still I believed we could overcome anything. In reality he has a sexual addiction and actively looks at pornography, was going on web cams where the girls could see him, and eventually saw hookers. It was like we had a double life. On one hand I thought things were fine and normal, but on the other hand he had a whole secret life. I was so miserable after I knew what he was doing and all the trust was gone. We have a daughter together and she just turned two. We both came from divorced parents and wanted to make our marriage and dreams for our daughter come true. I feel like I was the only one actually working on things though. One example is in July my aunt committed suicide. I was obviously sad and processing everything. We got in a big fight because I didnt want to have sex. He seriously yelled at me and stormed out into the garage. We were together for 9.5 years and he knew my aunt fairly well. I couldnt believe he acted to cold towards me. It was confusing because at the funeral and afterwards he was nice. We had this crazy pattern of him being really mean and then really nice, we didnt operate in the middle very often. I understand people have highs and lows but he was like this all the time. The last couple days all I can think about were the good times and I just want to go back. I know I cant though. I have a domestic violence protection order against him so I shouldnt call him either. We had so many unhealthy and sometimes even dangerous elements to our marriage yet I miss him. I feel like no one will ever love me again and maybe I was the problem in our relationship. I wrote out a timeline for my attorney of all the things I could remember, like the times the fighting got physical. He never hit me, but hit things next to me and threw things a lot. Sometimes I was scared he was going to hurt me and I hated it when I found the porn. Despite all this horribleness I just want a big bear hug and to have him say everything will be ok, we can work through this. Does anyone else feel this way? Im the one who left him yet I want to go back in a way. Part of me feels relieved to not live in that stressful environment but the other part misses the familiar things and the good times. Three weeks before my aunt committed suicide she told my sister she would rather die than get a divorce, and she meant it clearly. That scared me so bad and I didnt want to end up like my aunt. I was struggling with depression and being a good mom to our now 2 year old. She was yelling at me and throwing things at me. I think part of it was the terrible twos but the other part is she saw her father treating me that way. I didnt want a broken relationship with her and I thought if I stayed there was no hope. Now that we have been out for a little over a month her attitude towards me is better. Shes still two and has tantrums but the yelling at me has cut in half and she doesnt throw things at me anymore. Sometimes I feel hope. I have been working with domestic violence services and they showed me an equality wheel, versus the power and control wheel. I can see what I want, but am scared its not out there. Logically I know that about 80% of women remarry after a divorce. I am only 28 and yes I have a kiddo, but some men like kids right? My husband didnt (even though it was a planned pregnancy) and currently has stopped seeing her. Its hard because I never had career dreams, I always wanted to be a wife and mom. I feel like that sounds so old fashioned but its true. Im currently looking for work and the thought of going back to work after two years off is scary and exciting at the same time. I feel like Im totally ranting but maybe all this makes sense to someone? My family doesnt understand why I go back and forth so much but I just do. I havent physically gone back but I cry all the time and want to go back, then other times I feel hurt and angry by the things he did.
you did the right thing, there were too many red flags mentioned (aggression, heavy porn use) and you deserve much more than this. Being happy and alone is better than being with someone and unhappy.
This feeling sucks but in time it will pass. you will slowly realise how much more at ease you feel now, and although you may crave attention or affection, you should not go back to your ex for this. reach out to family and friends, and this will slowly dissipate.
Get through the next few months and i guarantee you will feel like a brand new woman. Good luck!
And yes there's plenty of guys out there that will date a woman with a child. As a soon to be single Dad I think when the time comes to date again, I would almost rather date a mother. I think our priorities would be on the same page compared to a woman that's never had kids. When you do date again I would make sure the guy understands it's a package deal.