Where do I begin? It's a long story and I don't want to bore you but I really need help. 

I don't have any friends. I don't have a support group. I was advised to reach out on this site by a suicide prevention team member. 

5 years ago after never really having any relationships I met someone that showed me what it was like to be treated the way I deserve. We dated. I fell in love (I would say WE fell in love but sadly now I have doubts). He proposed and we got married. Unfortunately we were in different countries and I had to return to the states, but I did everything to sort out all the paperwork. After 3 months of marriage my husband got a new job in his country. Another 3 months passed and I returned to Europe to see him, but also so that I could look for jobs since I wanted to be supportive and knew how happy he was to have his job. Plus for health reasons he needed to stay near his family to help them. I was fully on board. 

When I got there he had decided that he didn't love me and wanted to end our relationship and get a divorce. This came out of left field and was so unexpected I couldn't comprehend. 

Fast forward through the years of me being the only one trying to work though this and save the relationship. Because everything is slow in his country it took more than two years to get divorce papers. 

He claimed that he fell out of love for reasons unknown but always assured me there was no one else. Then when it was close to the divorce being final he said he met someone, but out of respect for me he wouldn't pursue anything with her until everything between us was settled. 

I have always battled depression but this situation pushed me over the edge and I made myself so physically ill I was hospitalized due to kidney failure. I was too sick to fly back to Europe and have one final chance to talk - though I doubt anything I would have said/done would have worked or changed his mind.

I signed the papers. He immediately got together with her (though my gut tells me they weren't actually waiting until the divorce was final - and I was a world away so would I really even know if he was lying?! Nope)

Then I lost my best friend completely when he blocked all communication and his last words to me were that he never wants to speak to me again. He said it was too hard to watch that I hadn't moved on and he had. 

Plus the other woman demanded he block me. 

I have spent the last 12 months with no communication trying to heal, but this past weekend I was informed that it is possible that he actual met this other woman the day he started the new job when he had only been married to me for 3 months -- that would be when he and I were still happy!! 

Everyone at his new company knew that he was married and knew about me. This girl just didn't care! And I blame them both bc of course he should have resisted temptation, but additionally she should not have pursued him so intensely when she knew he was married. And then she spent the first three months of his time at his new job pushing him to break up with me when I came back to Europe. 

This new info has shattered my heart all over again.  I have no one to talk to because everyone I used to be friends with is annoyed that I haven't moved on already. I feel like a burden and think everyone (including me) would be better off if I was no longer around. I wouldn't be bothering anyone, I wouldn't be in pain and I am sure my ex and this horrible woman would be happy and relieved that I was finally gone. Permanently.

I feel like I am never going to get better. I'm so upset that he moved on and is so happy after he hurt me so deeply. I know life isn't fair but this injustice is truly overwhelming. 

Please anyone listening help me. I am having an exhausting mental break down and know I should reach out for help before I do something rash. 

Sorry for the long message and thank you in advance for your kindness.