Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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llmt 01/08/2010

Ok...here's is the scoop. I love my children more than life itself but this nasty bastard who is nice to my face is beating me behind my back....I know this how...well I just do. I have seen it in text shall I say. He is telling his OW and probably God knows who else that basically I am a bad mom and that he feels the children will be harmed, I guess and that I cannot take care of them alone..even if it's 50/50 custody. Can I tell you I have been stepping back since the summer and letting him do stuff but I still make the lunches, do the homework for the most part, give the baths, do the clothes and cleaning while he watches. He is telling her bad stuff about me that I have NO confidence in raising them...I have raised them for 6 years as I do/did all the appts and such being a stay at home mom. I went out and got a full time job b/c of his cheating and knew I would need to help support them. My question is can any of this be used in court...I am NOT perfect but I am a good mom and am soooo afraid he will take the kids away from me. He has connections and knows a lot of people and can find out ways to do it. He is a perpetual liar and will make me look unstable as I am crying a lot over this whole thing. I am soooo afraid for the first time in my life...I fear something...losing my children to this liar. In DE the courts set a law recently that custody is 50/50 and I don't want that as his schedule is all over the place. If I fight him on it I am just so afraid what lies he will tell...also can he bring her in to say stuff about me that he as fed her? I am so upset I can't eat. If someone has any advice it would be appreciated. Also I am sending in my retainer for the lawyer next week. Thank you.

patti22 01/08/2010

You need to stop Listening to him.

And you need to see a lawyer. I was scared too until I got legal advice. And it's Really hard to prove someone a bad parent. Crying doesn't count. Getting medication for depression doesn't count. Even a lot of really really stupid things don't count. Making sure that your kids are fed, go to school and ride in a car seat counts.

And did I mention, you need to stop Listening to him?

deleted_user 01/08/2010

I agree with Patti . What has he on you that you are a bad mother. I mean real proof. Do you drink,take drugs etc..If you are doing the best you can given the circumstances the courts will go with you. If your schedule is more stable then I would think the courts would think of your schedule. Simply because they can understand it.

deleted_user 01/08/2010

I am in total agreement with Patti. My second ex tried to take our children. He had more money, a better house, a better job, so many things but I was a good mom, not perfect but I took care of my girls. they were clothed, fed, hugged often, I considered their safety, had them in school, supported after school activities. SS stopped in unannounced and we were baking cookies, the girls were smiling and happy. No injuries were present on them, and the counselor could see that the children and I loved each other.
Many many things come into account with children, and what Patti said is what they will be looking for.
Pull back, take care of the kids, and talk to a lawyer, not your STBX.. Big healing hugs, Kimmee

deleted_user 01/08/2010

Teachers and other school personnel take note of whether or not children are appropriately dressed, seem rested enough, are clean, etc. If they have not contacted any agency, it seems they could speak or write something on your behalf that your children are properly cared for.

deleted_user 01/08/2010

I agree stop listening to the stbx. I worry abit to cause my stbx say I am not keeping our son cause I have temper.. I Have done a lot of improvement and bonding stuff with our son, and son depend on me to point my life resolve around him, My stbx won't alternate his scheal to to accommodate our son daycare like I do. It very hard to take a child away from the mother unless he has physical proof your a bad one.. STBX FTL (For the Lose) Good Mommas FTW (For the Win)

deleted_user 01/08/2010

Sorry you are going through this, stay strong and just be the good mom you always have been. I would go get legal advice and make sure that anything you communicate to STBX can't come back to bite you. Hang in there, us Mom's have to stick together and support each other!

deleted_user 01/08/2010

You have nothing to worry about... anything this ass has fed to the whore is "hearsay".....

Please, stop letting him intimidate you.... that is what he is doing, please understand this! He is trying to make you look crazy and you cannot let him get away with it! Stop reading his texts.... stop listening to him... YOU know what a great person you are, your children know it also... I also feel real sure that there is someone on your side that would be more than willing to step up and testify in court what a great mother you are for everyone he can get that will testify that you are not!

Start a list of people that you KNOW that will help you in court... speak with them, make sure that you can give their names and contact info to the attorney for possible rebuttal to anything he throws out there!

Hugs and loving to you!

deleted_user 01/08/2010

don't let him take your powers, it is not worth listening to....

According to my Ex, I beat the kids daily, cussed them out, went out drinking all the time, never was home for them.... guess where the kids live, with me.... and fuck whoever believed her, anyone that really knows me knows the truth....

as with you, the truth will prevail............ Hugs to you

patti22 01/08/2010

Heck I have a temper too. So what. Kids push us all past our limits sometimes. But I"ve never broken bones, or put marks on them, or abused them.

(Well my kids will claim different sometimes when I take away electronics.....)

@Kimmee LOL Those drop in visits really do tell the story don't they. I had a friend whose son was a real climber at 3 and he got into some medicine and had to go the the ER twice. They dropped in on her too. And from the outside the lady could here them all laughing and playing. She came in and saw where the medicine was kept (way up high) and totally dismissed the case, after enjoying playing with the kids a short time.

Seriously. If you don't abuse your kids, you have Nothing to fear. Nothing. I have a neighbor who had to have her granddaughter's father declared unfit, and it's a hard hard process. And that was with the girl scared to death of the man.

deleted_user 01/08/2010

I'm with Giddy ... stop listening to him and stop with the txts. It doesn't matter what he tells the whore; she is just that & she is a part of the problem anyway.

L - See an attorney and have a serious sit-down, not just a phone consult. You've got a lot at stake, so when you talk to the attorney, simply ask his/her opinion on all that you just said to us.

deleted_user 01/08/2010

Patti, after the visit to my home, she actually requested a psychiatric exam for him, in thinking that I was unfit. It backfired royally on him. He then had to prove that he was mentally stable to have the children with him..
I am not perfect but I love my girls and they could see that. The home wasn't perfect either. It is lived in, but basically clean, they had beds to sleep in, clothes to wear, food to eat, although some of that was from food stamps, and we were loving toward one another. When they got a bit older, I got myself into Nursing School and changed my life..
You can do this! Don't believe his idle threats. Big hugs, Kimmee

deleted_user 01/08/2010

L, you are such a sweet and kind person. Don't let that prick tear you down. It's a classic case of him tearing you down so that he can feel better about himself.

I would really love to see you file and have his dumb ass served with divorce papers ASAFP. You will be surprised with how empowered you will feel when you do that.

(((L)))

deleted_user 01/08/2010

L - you are a good person and a good Mom, I know that just from the discussions we have had in the past. I totally agree with the others, don't read anymore of his trash.

Let's examine this for what it is...he is telling his SKANK MISTRESS HOBAG that you are a bad mother. Hmmm...so he is confiding in someone other than his wife or a therapist about the kind of mother you are, not to mention confiding in the person he CHEATS with. Oh, the irony.

I agree with the others too, time to move forward and serve his a** and then see his reaction.

Stand strong, you are a good person and deserve ten times better than that.

deleted_user 01/08/2010

He is getting desperate. Keep being there for the boys. Don't be selective with what you believe from him. If you don't trust anything he says, does, his opinion, or respect him (which i know you don't). Why put any believe in what his says about you?

deleted_user 01/08/2010

This story might make you feel better;

My kids father had WAY more money than me. He fought me about custody for a year. He tried to suggest all kinds of nasty crap about me. And I had been willing to go for joint custody. At our last hearing, without me even asking for it, the judge gave me full custody, and gave him visitation because, as the judge said
"Mr. Smith, I can't fathom forcing this poor woman to have to go to you everytime she needs to make a financial, medical or school related decision about these children. I believe you would disagree with her, just to be in control. You are a very unreasonable man, and she has been very patient."

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