I have been on this site for two months now and I can't tell everyone how much it has meant to me. That being said, I am so afraid that I will never get over this. It's been 15 months since separated and 7 months since divorce. My circumstances are different than most of yours - I am 57 years old, I left my life as I knew it to marry the "man of my dreams" and moved away from everything that was comfortable to me. I met him on Eharmony (I know I am repeating myself) and there were so many things I did not know about him when we married. I don't want to rehash all of it because I am sure you would be totally bored and I may have said it all before. He never physically abused me, just emotionally with his trust issues. He never trusted anyone (which I didn't know) because of his childhood. He had lost his wife of 34 years only 4 months before we met. We met in January and married in April, 2005. I now believe that he thought he wanted someone like me (our personalities were so different, him being shy and reserved, me being outgoing and friendly, and he couldn't stand it when I hugged people! Anyway, I was completely different from his deceased wife and I think that was the attraction - his marriage was not the best - I think he used me to travel with (he had never been anywhere really) but mostly I believe he "thought" he loved me, but really I was just someone to help him get over his grief from losing his wife. Well, stupid me, I thought it was God working by putting us together. I loved him with all of me (I had been married for 25 years to a good man, father of my children, but never loved him like I love this man). I am STILL at my daughter's and son-in-law's, living in a spare bedroom, with a few boxes and things that I need on a daily basis. Everything else I own is in storage. I am so afraid I will not move on because it has been so long. I think there is something wrong with me that I can't go forward. He immediately found someone who I believe is more suitable to his lifestyle.

I have told this story before, so forgive me for repeating it. Today has been an awful day - starting with going to store and just happened to see bedding that I had just got for our lakehouse (our permanent home) and it's been downhill since.

Before we parted, he had told me "you saved my life, you made me a better person, you will be happier back where you came from, and we both know we will always love each other". Those words are stuck in my mind. Prior to meeting him, I had been divorced for 4 years, doing quite well, but ready to get out in the world again. Now most everything I own is sitting in storage and has been for 7 months. Everyday is the same - I think I will get through it, then go backwards. Meanwhile, I am in limbo and think I am going crazy. I have been through therapy, I know what I need to do, I think I know what our problems were ("he thinks he is two different people") - what the h--- does that mean? and I just wanted to love someone and be loved.

I just needed to write this down again. Thank you for reading it and some of you have given me really good advice, I just haven't used it, I guess.

I am REALLY afraid I will be in this place forever and I would just like to have one day without tears.

I hate what has been done to everyone on this site - it is good to share our stories and know we are not alone - but it just makes me crazy that we are ALL hurting so badly - and we don't deserve it.

Thanks again.... Cindy