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Played the fool again

brittany8
brittany8
Many on here know my story. After years of trying to work it out, my STBX met someone, and stated he wanted a divorce. In the last 4 years I have lost my husband and both parents. I have been trying for a long time to get myself out of this hole I've been in. 6 months ago, I met a male friend that I really liked. More on the friendship level, but we spent a great deal of time together. In April, my ex reached out to me telling me that doctors believed that he had prostate cancer. I was schocked and really did not know what to do. Since his "friend" lives out of state, he was leaning on me. I stopped talking to my friend, and went into wife mode, for my family. Went to every doctors appoinment amd stressed myself for weeks. We spent alot of time together, and I thought this might have brought us closer. He told me that he had ended things with this woman, and I believed him. Last week we found out that his cancer has spread, and is very serious. At the same time, I found out that he still is talking to her, and needless to say I was dumbfounded. I was trying to help him not only for us, but for our kids. I didn't want them to think I turned my back on him when he is so sick. I feel like such a fool. I have never felt as bad as I do right know, and I feel so lost.....
nlr917
nlr917
You poor thing!! I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this. Honestly, I probably would have done the same thing if I was in your shoes. Maybe try focus on the reasoning behind doing what you did - rather than dwelling on "being played for a fool again". You're obviously a great mother and you have good intentions. You did this to protect your children.

I'm sorry again...
sja
sja
You are not a fool. He is an ass and user. You were compassionate and did what you though was best. You didn't do anything wrong. Now keep the phrase, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me". Don't let him play on your emotions again.

If it makes you feel better, I would have done the same thing for my ex husband.
broken234
broken234
You are most certainly not a fool. You are a kind hearted individual for helping your ex. Don't look at it as him fooling you. You were being there for the father of your children. Your kids will appreciate that much more when this is all over. You are supporting your ex through this because you are the kind of person that will do this for her kids. I would do the same thing. Who he is talking to is not important. It is your children who are important. Hang in there.
brittany8
brittany8
Thank u all for the kind words. You are right, he is an ass, even when he is knocking on heavens door. I was hoping he would choose to spend his time left with his family. But its clear he does not. Ive had a setback, but will continue to move forward and be there for my kids.

Thank u all again...
Missy73
Missy73
Some people never change. That can be good or bad. Your ex is never going to stop being a jerk and you're always going to put your family first. That hardly makes you a fool in my book.
lisainthevalley
lisainthevalley
You are to be commended for your actions and your concern. It's fine to continue to be there for your ex under these circumstances. But hopefully you know now not to be duped by him. Care for him but don't put your own life on hold. Keep an appropriate distance and don't confuse your role in each other's life.
brittany8
brittany8
Thats what i did. I confused my role, and really set myself back. Now he says he wont divorce me, because he wants me and the kids to be taken care of. I feel so stuck, and heartbroken all over again
tcl18
tcl18
It is hard to move out of the care taker/helper role when you've been with someone so long, esp. with kids. You are obviously very kind - be kind to yourself too and put limits on what you do to help.
brittany8
brittany8
Thank you guys for the kind words. It is hard for me to figure where to draw the line. I have begun the distant phase, but letting him know if he needs anything to let me know. He knows how hurt I was when I read the text messages to the OW, and he really doesn't have much to say. So it is really to me, starting from scratch with my healing process. And knowing he won't sign papers, and that I will have to be involved in the decision making about his health, is very overwhelming to me. I try to do what I can , even told him that maby his OW needs to move down here and take care of him. He says to me that will never happen. I know he played my emotions. I am sure he didn't intend to be mean, but really need some support. I have come to realize that I can't be around him that much, and not get emotionally attached.
Missy73
Missy73
It sounds to me like he's being incredibly manipulative. He wanted the divorce when it was convenient for him and now he doesn't want to move forward because it's not. You shouldn't be forced into making decisions regarding his health. What about bills that occur because of his illness? Countless people are forced to file for bankruptcy because of medical debts. I think you should speak to your lawyer immediately so that you're protected. I respect your desire to do right by him but don't let derail your healing.
murphytoronto
murphytoronto
I would have done exactly the same thing as you.
That is why we are good people

If that is a fool....Fool me
brittany8
brittany8
Missy.. U r right with him being manipulating. All he wanted was a divorce, now that he is sick, not so much. Murphy... I know deep down that I am a good person, but my heart really can't take much more betrayal. I really felt like I was making some strides in my healing. So I am begining the process again. I can't tolerate him talking to another woman. I deserve so much more than that
murphytoronto
murphytoronto
Yes...that is right

You did the right thing morally

Now is the time to cut him loose