Hang in there man. Dig into your work, distract yourself, take it each moment by moment. Congratulate yourself for making it a minute, then 5 minutes, etc. Stop and get yourself your favorite snack during the day. Eat a lunch you really like - treat yourself that way. These kinds of days suck - I've been through many of them. Just do your best, and know that your best is good enough for anyone.

I''m right there with you. Picked up a Christmas tree last night and I almost had a panick attack at the store because I was afraid the box wouldn't fit in my car. My husband has a SUV and used to handle stuff like that. I kept on thinking who can I call to bring this tree home for the kids and I knew he wasn't an option......

I understand completely. I'm waiting to wake up from the nightmare too. He's been my comfort and support for 16 years. I'm totally lost.

Sorry kasharoo. I know how bad this pain can be. Just know you're not alone. I know that might not be of much comfort right now, but I just want you to know that.

Mornings are the worst! It's like I have to realize that this is not some crazy nightmare, it's my reality and then re-process the whole heartbreak all over again. This process is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through as I'm sure that most of us can relate to. But the important thing is that we are doing it. We have to believe that things will get better. I will be praying for you. *Bear Hug*

I'm sorry today is extra tough. I definitely understand the frustrations of feeling better one day, then back down the next. I think these ups and downs are pretty standard, even though we'd like to think we'll eventually just "get over" something. Don't be too hard on yourself when you do have a bad day; this is when you need extra care!

You have us!!!! We are your support. Few days ago I was on top of the world and I felt like I could achieve anything, today I just want to cry I feel like none of my friends understands what I'm going through and it really tough

Let me ask you a question. Let's say she did want to get back together and she moved back in and you two went on a lovey dovey cruise together for the holidays. How are you going to feel about her and your marriage and yourself in a month or two? I'm just asking because I have been married for 23 years to a very mentally abusive man who often gave me the silent treatment for weeks and months without even telling me why. When that happened, I was just sick. I mean physically sick to my stomach. I felt an awful lot like you are describing how you feel today. I kept trying to talk to him, do anything I could to make him happy and I waited on pins and needles for that phone call with that sweet tone of voice he'd use saying, "You make me crazy, but no one will ever love you more than I do." Then I would be able to breathe again and laugh again and LIVE again. In the last 10 years or so of our marriage though, I began to notice that while I initially felt a huge rush of relief and joy when he began talking to me again, it eventually gave way to anger and self-loathing. I was angry that he had done that to me and toyed with my emotions like that. I was angry that he couldn't be honest with me and tell me what I had done in the first place instead of giving me weeks of silence. I was angry at what I increasingly began to see as selfish and even sadistic behaviour. I loathed myself for falling prey to it ... for every tear I shed, every nice thing I did for him, every time I begged him to talk to me and tell me what was wrong and most of all, every single apology I uttered. And then I hated him for making me feel that way about myself!

So my question to you is if you got your wish and she came back to you, how would you feel about her, your marriage and yourself in light of all that's happened when the sunshine and lollipops began to wear off?

Thanks Leila. Totally appreciate the kind words.

Samantha, I have thought about what I would do and how I would react if she took me back. I'm really undecided on how it would effect me, to be honest. If you had asked me 2 weeks ago, I would say I would be thrilled. Now, not so sure.

Meanwhile she spied on my Facebook messaging again. Saw that I ran into an old flame on Saturday who has been texting me and inviting me over to her house. My wife has told me repeatedly she is no longer in love with me; that she wants a divorce, and how it wouldn't bother her if she saw me dating other women. Yet tonight, she went off the deep end when confronting me with this. Told me she hopes I screw her, get married to her, and then she could make me happier than my wife ever could., because my wife has failed at that. Clearly upset. WTF. I think she's genuinely upset I am not fighting harder for her, even though she's made it clear she's done, and that I have no chance of winning her back. Also questioning why I didn't tell her. Uhmmm, because you said you didn't care. then she compares it to her texting and calling her ex boyfriend before we were separated, when she also deleted his texts so I couldn't read them. Totally different scenario. Just bizarre.

Hmmm that is confusing. I don't remember but did you two try counseling? It sounds like she still has feelings for you and doesn't know how to communicate that. I am guilty of the same at times....

She refuses to go to counseling. Can't talk her into it. And she has said some really hateful things, as have I, so we're both guilty. I can't start reading into everything she says. If I take her at her word, she's all done. So confusing.

My stbx did the same exact thing. HE filed for divorce ... and then he began spying on me. He went through our garbage, my purse and my phone. (We are still unfortunately living in the same house.) He spies on my computer. He even asked a neighbor to spy on me! I really think it's a case of I don't want her, but I don't want anyone else to want her either. I think it ruins his fantasy of destroying my life if he thinks I am happy with someone else. It used to drive me crazy trying to figure him out, but now I don't care anymore. He's going to have to deal with his own baggage and his own karma.