Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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jomal81 03/08/2015

My ex and I separated last spring and divorced in October. It was his idea and he refused counseling because he already made up his mind. I was hurt because I still wanted counseling to better understand the situation and make sense of it. One of our problems was communication. Anyways he claimed we'd remain friends. I called him a bit after and was in tears and he said because I'm upset he didn't think we should talk for a few months. The next time we talked was so he could work out the divorce agreement.

I spent 10 years with him and became close to his family, including nieces and nephews. I'm not close with my my parents so they were important to me. Everyone cut off ties with me after the separation. I feel deeply hurt and that maybe our relationships were always a farce. I want to know how to heal from this grief.

I am sometimes tempted to call my ex in attempt to find some kind of closure, but the better part of me advises against it. My father left as a child and his family all cut ties with us, so I think this is triggering for me, causing a great deal of pain. On side note, I met a wonderful man and we share the thing I craved but never had with my ex, which is emotional intimacy. We can talk about anything, never with judgement or criticism. It's wonderful and I'm ready to move forward but still have this nagging sense of grief. Any advice?

refurb 03/08/2015

you won't get closure from your ex
he can't give it to you, he pulled the plug for his reasons, some are probably petty immature and selfish,

accept that he choose to crash the plane, you've survived, you'll bear scars, no sense investigating the wreck since you won't fly with him again, therapy for your scars so can keep movong makes sense

yougospam 03/09/2015

I wouldn't call your ex. I understand your need for closure but you probably won't get it, so no sense going that route. Best to leave it all behind you and continue with your no contact and your healing. Especially now that you are in a healthy relationship, leave the past in the past!!!!!!!!!!! I've been tempted to contact my ex lately too but I've done it in the past and it just set me back, so I'm leaving that alone. We're not always going to get closure, in cases like ours, I think our closure is being able to have the final say BY not making contact.

I like the way Refurb put it......no need to investigate the crash, the damage is done. Find your way to safe ground and continue moving forward.

jomal81 03/09/2015

Thank you both! I was having a particularly bad day, and needed to get these feelings out. Deep down I know what you both are saying is true. I won't get closure from him, I have to find closure within. It is nice to have it reinforced. I think I just have to remember that healing is not always a straight road. Sometimes I'll have a bad day and that's okay. I am proud of how far I've come and feel positive about the future. Thanks again so much!!!

kbbcoop77 03/09/2015

Congrats on the new relationship and forget contacting the ex. That always leaves more questions than answers and just messes with your healing. Been there done that. Concentrate on the new guy, he deserves your undivided attention. Eventually your ex will be a distant memory, something to reflect on but not get hung up on.

Kik 04/09/2015

I agree with 'refurb', you won't get closure from your ex. I thought I would, I went as far as meeting with him "one last time" and we talked and talked and I felt worse! he told me I made him feel better (ugh, not my intention since he cheated and lied, not me!). I am convinced that "closure" comes from within; it was only after therapy, self forgiveness and, in my case, prayer and faith that I came out on the other side. He has since called and sent texts (2 years later!) to which I have never responded. THAT was my closure - having the pleasure of ignoring him! ;)

loosingthebattle 04/09/2015

It certainly has not helped me. It is just a repeat of all the things that I did or didn't do to justify his need for friend(s) to meet his needs and share his emotions with. He truly had already checked out on "us" prior to telling me his needs and unhappiness. Then since he "told" me that invalidated any efforts that I made. Only made him angry.......But when you love someone and they tell you what they need and you do it, shouldn't that be what a spouse does?? There is no making sense of anything. He finally moved out of house telling kids that he "needs to be happy" at least to our older children, nothing to the younger one.
Take care of you and look back to help you not get caught in this situation again, but other than that in my case, it just drags me down. Have prom and graduation of our daughter, but our relationship is so strained with me trying to be involved and make sure she is OK by wanting to talk with her even a small amount on a daily basis, since she does live with me and use my credit card, also expecting her to ask instead of telling me what she is going to do and finding an excuse to not come or be home any night of the week.

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