Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I am now in the 6th week since my husband of 10 years left me suddenly. I still cry everyday, and have my ups and downs, but am so glad that I finally have some moments during the day where I am actually happy and feel good. The first couple weeks were definitely the worst of my life. I found joy in nothing around me. I don't ever want to be in that place again, and I truly feel for those of you out there that are in the first few weeks of a severe and serious breakup.
Even though my natural reaction is to protect my husband from the bad decisions he is making right now (leaving our home, binge drinking, couch surfing, ignoring his responsibilities, hooking up with old girlfriends - all the typical things when you mix severe depression, low self esteem, and mid-life crisis), I have listened carefully to my family, friends, therapist, and people on this blog. I have moved all of his stuff to a storage unit, told him that he cannot show up at the house anymore, told him that I will not be giving him anymore money or paying his bills, and minimized contact to calls or texts only when necessary. This has been very hard for me, as I actually want to do the opposite. But I can already see that following the advice of others (and not my natural impulses) has helped ME to get better and deal with this awful situation.
While I am doing all the things that I "should" at this point, I am still finding it difficult to completely let go. It comforts me to think that my husband still loves me deeply, and that he is just going through an extreme phase - while very hurtful to me - absolutely necessary at this stage in our relationship, whether we reconcile or not. His behavior is so out of line with the man I knew for 10 years that I just can't accept that this is who he really is, and that at some point, his old self will return. I truly feel that the love we shared was real, and that even the self-destructive and harmful behavior he is exhibiting right now will not triumph over the many years of intimacy we shared.
I am wondering if these feelings are just more denial, or if any of you believe that - with time - love can re-emerge as the primary connection between two people that have had serious set-backs?
Even though my natural reaction is to protect my husband from the bad decisions he is making right now (leaving our home, binge drinking, couch surfing, ignoring his responsibilities, hooking up with old girlfriends - all the typical things when you mix severe depression, low self esteem, and mid-life crisis), I have listened carefully to my family, friends, therapist, and people on this blog. I have moved all of his stuff to a storage unit, told him that he cannot show up at the house anymore, told him that I will not be giving him anymore money or paying his bills, and minimized contact to calls or texts only when necessary. This has been very hard for me, as I actually want to do the opposite. But I can already see that following the advice of others (and not my natural impulses) has helped ME to get better and deal with this awful situation.
While I am doing all the things that I "should" at this point, I am still finding it difficult to completely let go. It comforts me to think that my husband still loves me deeply, and that he is just going through an extreme phase - while very hurtful to me - absolutely necessary at this stage in our relationship, whether we reconcile or not. His behavior is so out of line with the man I knew for 10 years that I just can't accept that this is who he really is, and that at some point, his old self will return. I truly feel that the love we shared was real, and that even the self-destructive and harmful behavior he is exhibiting right now will not triumph over the many years of intimacy we shared.
I am wondering if these feelings are just more denial, or if any of you believe that - with time - love can re-emerge as the primary connection between two people that have had serious set-backs?
deleted_user
You sound like I did last march, the roller coaster of what you go through for their "alien possession" sucks. They become different people. I pulled away completely too. And 7 months later he wanted to "talk". We are now trying to put things back together. He admits to fault, but still is in the" blame things on everyone else stage". Its a process like everything else. Hang in there.
deleted_user
HOnestly, who can tell what may happen? It's not our job to know; just to be prepared to handle whatever comes our way. I can't tell you how proud I am of you! You seem so strong for someone going throw such heartache. You are in the thick of it and yet you are hanging in there and are coping extremely well! Give yourself a pat on the back and keep haning in there!
deleted_user
I do believe things can workout in the end. But also try to move ahead and enjoy yourself and the freedoms you did not have before. Do not be a doormat get out and be yourself because he is at the moment. You never know just might find someone else more suited for you. Never hold on to the hope he will return because if he does not you will go through this all over again.
deleted_user
ok!! here is something funny I always think of because I am goin through something similiar. I know he still loves me and all the happy stuff. Just wants to see if the grass is greener. May it is but I would just love to smack him in the head with a frying pan and tell him to wake up. He mopes around this house and is all sad trys not to talk to me but ends up making a conversation with me. We still get along fine. This is where I say men are stupid and crack him up the head. To bad I am not a violent person or I would. Meany of his friends have told me I should smack some sense into to him. That he is being stupid.
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