I used to think it was the woman that has to spend a couple hours getting ready who won't leave the hours with out perfect hair and make up, and who would never do things like camping or fishing.
Now I sort of think it's a person that requires a lot from other people, rather a needy person both emotionally and physically. A person who needs a lot of attention from others.
I'd ask your friend exactly what she meant by that comment.
My sister once called me high maintenance, because I do my hair and make up daily. I don't take hours to get ready. I support myself and my boys on my own and I don't own designer clothing (can't afford it lol). I consider myself to be a normal human being who cares about her self and her appearance. I was offended by my sister by then decided it's her problem what she thinks and not mine.

Thanks Lianna!

I did ask him what he meant and he said it meant emotionally needy. This is the same person who is always telling me to open up and just tell them what I am thinking/what I need. I just don't see myself as emotionally needy but now I am starting to doubt myself!
He also said it has to do with the fact that I have high expectations. I do have high expectations of myself and always have a drive to do better/strive for more...but this only pertains to me...I don't put this kind of pressure on others.

Guess I am just bummed because I think/thought I was a kind, giving, just overall nice person and now I am questioning all that!

I don't know...maybe by the pure fact that I am on this board and airing my feelings out to strangers proves his point that I am emotionally needy!

I think it depends when someone says high maintenance.. Some people think needy , some people think type A personality, some people think girly girls.

I don't agree with your friend at all and I am sorry they even said that to you, I know a lot of guys that actually prefer high maintenance women. And some that would not touch them with a 5 foot pole. I just think you have to find the man that loves you for exactly who you are. You are in a much better place right now my friend :)

Okay, I don't know you and I certainly don't know if you're "high maintenance" or not.

What I do know is that one someone throws around terms like that....that they do it to hurt. And the kind of person that hurts others isn't the kind of person I like......or the kind or person who's judgement I respect.

When my daughter was around 5, I started calling her my "baby maggot scum". Not just maggot....but maggot SCUM. My reasoning was that no matter where she went, or who she ran into, that no one could call her a worse name. And that when someone told her that she was "high maintenance" or called her a B...., or anything else, that she could just laugh it off and say...."yeah right....got to try harder than that".

And well.....that's pretty much the way she's turned out (still only 11, but she's had some names thrown at her already).

That's what I wish for you. The confidence that there will be nasty people always, and sometimes just clueless ones, or ones that THINK that their judgement is 'all that'......and the ability to pity those people and let their comments run off of your back.


The ONLY person who's opinion counts....is your own. Do you like yourself? And if not, you should start acting in a way so that you will. Because no matter where you go.......you'll be there. No running from yourself.

Hi ALD, I second what Lianna said...someone who needs a LOT of attention, a needy person, one who will suck the life right out of you if you let them. That is my understanding of a high maintenance person.

I think it's pretty shitty of your friend to say something like that to you. That is not someone I would trust to have my back. That was so unkind and insensitive.

Thank you all for your words! I have never considered myself emotionally needy...if anything I don't show/share enough emotion...so I thought!!

I think the root of what is really bothering me is this friend is someone I have known half my life and have always said they know me better than me. So in my head I am thinking if they say I am high maintenance/needy then I must be!

That would bother me too, if someone close to me labeled me high maintenance. Or maybe it's not what the label is, but the fact they threw a label on me instead of explaining what I was doing that was bothering them (so I could work on it). Just giving a label is vague and mean, and leaves you questioning what they meant.

I read other posts from you lately, where you have a lot of great things going on in your life. Could this person just be trying to bring you down, to make themselves feel better? Maybe they are not in such a great place themselves, so they don't want to hear details about your new house and new relationship? Maybe it's not about you at all. Just more to consider as you are looking hard at yourself.

Don't let someone else make you question yourself. No way do I think I'm emotionally "needy" but do I need love and to be told or shown that I am loved? Of course! That's normal human behaviour. People all have their own ideas of what's too much. I once told a very demanding needy boyfriend that every once in a while I needed to have a hug and some attention and his reply was "I'm not that guy". He was right he's high maintenance and he's only a taker and not a giver. Me needed what I consider to be normal give and take in a relationship isn't out of line high maintenance. My sister on the other hand is needy and demanding and whiny and bitchy lol I have no idea how her H puts up,with it but they've been together 20 years so clearly he doesn't consider her needs to be too much.
Way out of line for your friend to make such a terrible comment about your relationship ending!
You are here asking for advice, does that really make one emotionally needy? I need other peoples perspectives sometimes and I don't have close friends, and strangers will also give advice and not just tell us what we want to hear!

You peeps are amazing! Thank you so much for the kind words...and this is exactly why I turned to this site.

I swear I forgot what it was like to shed this many tears. I just keep telling myself tonight over and over that you reap what you sow. You get what you give...so apparently there is something wrong with me since I am here...all by myself. I don't deserve love...and the only reason would be because deep down I am not a person that deserves it...I am apparently not a good, caring, loving person! I have got to figure out what I am doing wrong!

Yeah, I think everyone means something different by it. Personally I think that it's someone who is never satisfied. You try your hardest and it's never enough and they always see the negatives where you have tried to put positives.
There sounds like nothing wrong with how you are. My ex said i seem needy because i liked to say things like "i miss you" or "i love you" and she found it too much. I don't think it's too much, it's just who i am.
I like to express my feelings.

I would like to address one thing you wrote because i have experience of it. My ex from before said i was very patronizing, because i had high expectations for myself, even unrealistic some might say, and yet the fact that i was more lenient on her and others, the fact that i expected more from myself and not them. It made me a patronizing asshole apparently. Some people don't understand that we realize we set high goals for ourselves and that we don't put it on others because THAT would be unfair.
Hopefully we will find people who will love who we are, the emotional aspect, and love that we don't weigh them down with expectations.