Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So I'm in the divorce process... and there are not as many ups and downs as there were earlier in the break-down. Or the past many years really...
It's like the drama is winding down into nothingness.
One area I seem to come back to is the feeling of seeing only her good traits. I remember good things. And even presently she is very positive toward both my children and her own growth and development. She's cooperative on the divorce... She is generally positive. I see her making a life for herself and tackling her insecurities and growing and I lose sight of the bad things and the toxicity we had. I lose such sight of it that a few times I've asked myself "why are we getting a divorce?"
It kind of sucks.
I know she is a good person. Yes, I do know she had some insecurities and relational issues that were part of our toxic-dance, and yes, it was extremely hard to deal with some of the avoidant things she would do... but she's not a disaster. She is decent. And it makes things harder. If she were a real nasty person, how much easier this would be. I can't put up a false persona to be mean to her either... can't go NC either.
I've almost had to write down all the negative traits and experiences and how everything plays out just to prevent myself from going back into trying to resurrect the VERY-dead horse mode. Anyone else struggle with this? Seeing only good traits?
It's like the drama is winding down into nothingness.
One area I seem to come back to is the feeling of seeing only her good traits. I remember good things. And even presently she is very positive toward both my children and her own growth and development. She's cooperative on the divorce... She is generally positive. I see her making a life for herself and tackling her insecurities and growing and I lose sight of the bad things and the toxicity we had. I lose such sight of it that a few times I've asked myself "why are we getting a divorce?"
It kind of sucks.
I know she is a good person. Yes, I do know she had some insecurities and relational issues that were part of our toxic-dance, and yes, it was extremely hard to deal with some of the avoidant things she would do... but she's not a disaster. She is decent. And it makes things harder. If she were a real nasty person, how much easier this would be. I can't put up a false persona to be mean to her either... can't go NC either.
I've almost had to write down all the negative traits and experiences and how everything plays out just to prevent myself from going back into trying to resurrect the VERY-dead horse mode. Anyone else struggle with this? Seeing only good traits?
Since you and your ex have children together, it's a good thing that you remember good things about her. Just try not to dwell on those thoughts so you don't start to see hope where none exists.
have come to the conclusion that its perfectly natural like Missy said.
Its human nature to want to feel good, to remember good times, to be at peace.
Remember, good people want to see the good in other people. That's what you are doing, seeing the good times and the good in her, because you are a good person.
Those moments in time are what made you who you are today. Its good to remember them, just don't stay there to long. Its to much to see and do waiting in front of you.
Peace be with you..
I also want to note, it's kind of a good thing that you're remembering the good. She will always be your child's mother and you want to try and stay as positive as you can be in front of him/her (even though at times it can be hard).
Keep your head up - it will get easier in time.